So something is seriously wrong with Mother Nature in our part of the world. It is April 16th, and they are predicting even more snow for this Saturday. Normally at this time of year, we're putting away the winter jackets and boots, but with all the snow that's still hanging around, we can't. Seriously, it only got up to -2C today. That's about 28 degrees Fahrenheit. That's right, you read it right.. 28! WTF!? Has Mother Nature lost her freakin' mind?? Where is spring?
Now, I'm fully aware of climate change, etc, etc, etc, but give me a break! I need spring. This winter has been so damned long and I'm sick of it. I'm in the anger phase of grief over this... every time I look out the window I end up mumbling "f-n bullshit". Sometimes it's a lot more than a mumble. Last week was storming so bad that my husband drove me to work because I simply would have pulled over and cried instead of making it in.
Usually I can make it through to spring without too much issue in the Seasonal Affective Disorder category, but this year it's hitting me hard. I need some nice warm days to sit outside and read and watch the puppy play to cheer me up.
Here's something else that's been pissing me off about all this weather crap... the radio stations around here think that if you play summer songs, people will cheer up. Hell no! That just pisses me off. I don't want to hear songs about summer when the snow along the highway is piled as high as my vehicle (no exaggeration on this one). When I look out the window and my patio table is not visible because there is so much snow... yeah, I don't want to listen to summery songs. The other thing that pissed me off today was a radio ad for "The Bay" (that is a major department store in Canada btw). It actually started with "now that it's sandal weather". Huh? Even in Eastern Canada it's not that nice yet, but in Western Canada we're under a pile of snow still and that ad is just stupid and mean!
Anyway, I am really hoping for spring soon, but in the very least, I thought I'd take the opportunity to bitch about the weather a bit... because that's what we do in this part of the world... complain about the weather.
Tuesday, 16 April 2013
Saturday, 6 April 2013
The Conspiracy
There is a conspiracy afoot in my house. One that leaves me out in the cold... Literally.
Here's the background: I'm a cold person... Not cold hearted (although I've been accused of that at times) but cold temperature wise. When I was faithfully taking my BBT (can't wait for that fun to start again let me tell you) I always had readings that put me in the category of borderline hypothermia. Seriously! I wasn't always like this, as a kid I ram really warm. My mother took me to the doctor at 8 weeks because I was fevered. Apparently a blanket and a sleeper was too much for me. I was just too warm. About 10 years ago I lost 80 lbs and started to be cold all the time. It made sense, I'd lost a warming layer of fat, but since then I've added that layer back and then some so it makes no sense.
But onto the conspiracy. I usually set out thermostat to 20 degrees (Celsius) which is about 68 F. My hubby always is asking to turn it down while I sit covered up with a quilt.
So yesterday, he comes in with the dog and asks of he can turn down the heat. I say sure and pull my quilt higher. At that point the dog comes into the room and starts pulling the quilt until he pulls it off of me and tries to take it out of the room.
Conspiracy!!! They are in it together! I'm not sure what their end game is, but I'm onto them!
Here's the background: I'm a cold person... Not cold hearted (although I've been accused of that at times) but cold temperature wise. When I was faithfully taking my BBT (can't wait for that fun to start again let me tell you) I always had readings that put me in the category of borderline hypothermia. Seriously! I wasn't always like this, as a kid I ram really warm. My mother took me to the doctor at 8 weeks because I was fevered. Apparently a blanket and a sleeper was too much for me. I was just too warm. About 10 years ago I lost 80 lbs and started to be cold all the time. It made sense, I'd lost a warming layer of fat, but since then I've added that layer back and then some so it makes no sense.
But onto the conspiracy. I usually set out thermostat to 20 degrees (Celsius) which is about 68 F. My hubby always is asking to turn it down while I sit covered up with a quilt.
So yesterday, he comes in with the dog and asks of he can turn down the heat. I say sure and pull my quilt higher. At that point the dog comes into the room and starts pulling the quilt until he pulls it off of me and tries to take it out of the room.
Conspiracy!!! They are in it together! I'm not sure what their end game is, but I'm onto them!
Friday, 5 April 2013
Just a bunch of babble
So I mentioned a while back that at my last D&C, they noticed that my blood pressure was extremely high... as in 180/120 high. As in about to have a stroke high. In fact, when the nurse first took my BP, the reading was 210/140. She took one look and said "do you have a headache? you're not dizzy? nothing hurts?". She took it again with a different cuff and it was less, but still scary high! I was only released from the hospital if I promised to follow up with my GP. Sometimes our medical system makes me shake my head... a promise? really? Well, I don't want to have a stroke, or kidney and liver damage so I did follow up. I saw the GP in Feb and she put me on BP meds. After two weeks it had only brought my BP down to about 135/90. This used to be normal for me off of meds. From about the time I was 15 my BP has been at about that. Until I was in for the D&C, I'd never had a reading above that. So, the doc told me to keep on the drugs and come back in a month. I went back this morning.
Now, I had gotten a wrist BP monitor for home (gotta love Shop.pers Optimum Points... it cost me nothing). I've been taking my BP every mroning and evening and recording it. For the last 3 weeks, it has been reading about 90/60! When I told the GP that she was shocked. She took it in the office and it was 105/65. She said she had never seen anyone respond to meds so well or so quickly. She wants me back in two months to follow up, unless I start to get readings lower than 90/60, or if I start t have dizzy spells, etc.
I asked her about the possibility of the Megestrol being the cause of it being so high since I read that that's a possible side effect. She said it could definitely be the cause and she wants me to take my BP 3 times a day when I go off the Megestrol and if it drops go to the ER immediately if I can't get in to see her. So that's fun!
I also asked her about my ortho referal. She referred me in December to a new ortho surgeon, because I had had no contact from my previous one for nearly 5 months. I have heard nothing from the new surgeon at all. She told me to call the surgeon, but laughed and told me not to tell them that she said to. :) She said I should have heard already. The problem is that I broke this ankle in early Dec 2011, and it took until August to get to see the first ortho. Once they book the surgery, it could still be 4 months or more until the surgery happens. My big concern about this is that I am in pretty much constant pain, and when the bone chip shifts it sometimes gets caught in the joint and I can't even walk on it... it happens sometimes at work and I have to sit and pull at my foot and rotate it until I feel the chip pop out. Not normal. Also, the ligament that was attached to that part of the bone that chippped off is just hanging there, not doing it's job, and I can feel the weakness in my ankle.
My biggest worry is what if I do miraculously get pregnant, then I will have even more weight on the ankle and won't be able to have the surgery until after delivery, and I can't even carry a book while on crutches, never mind a baby. See my issues? I was happy that I got in to an ortho last summer knowing that the soonest I would be able to get pregnant would be an entire year later. Now we're (hopefully) only two months from trying again and nothing on the ortho front.
I am thinking of dropping FB for a while. This past week has been bad - there has been 5 birth announcements and 3 pregnancy announcements. I can handle one every so often, but this many at once? urgh. The one that really got me was one of the women that I went to University with. The kicker is that she got married the same day as me. She even said when they announced last fall that the first month they tried they succeeded. It really hurt me. We've been trying since two months before our wedding (coming up on 4 years next month), and nothing. She tries one month and succeeds. I know I shouldn't be upset, but I am. She had her baby this week and my FB is plastered with pics. Sigh. I might have to just check out for a while.
My poor fur baby boy had his big surgery this week. We waited until he was a year to neuter him on the advice of the vet. He's a very large breed dog and apparently the current thought process in vet world is to let large breeds grow for the first year before taking away the testosterone. Apparently in males, it's important for bone growth and to help prevent the hip displasia, etc. So we did that. On Tuesday we got up bright and early and took him to the vet. Two hours later they called and said that he did really well and we could pick him up in about four hours. When we picked him up, he was so dopey that he could hardly walk straight, and kept running into stuff because of the cone. About halfway home we decided that he was not resting because of the cone so we took it off and I sat with him to stop him from licking. When we got home, we left the cone off and watched him. We only had to stop him from licking twice. The first night home we put on the cone and nobody (him or us) had good sleeps. I watched him the whole next day and no licking at all. So we have abandoned the cone. The vet said that he should relax and not run around or jump on furniture, etc. So, she had no ideas of how to stop a 70 lbs dog from doing that. He's been taking stairs 3 at a time and jumping on the couch and bed, and showing no signs of pain. I've been checking his incision point and he seems to be doing fine. After the first day home, his energy levels spiked back up and you would never know that he had anything done to him. He's just his regular hyper, happy, affectionate self, getting into trouble as usual. Today when I was in town I picked him up a special treat - a giant bacon cookie. It was about 8 inches long, 4 inches wide, and 1 inch thick in the shape of a bone. He wasn't sure at first what the hell I was giving him, but then he settled in with it and my whole living room smelled of bacon milk bones. LOL
Take a look, doesn't he seem traumatized? Guess that bacon cookie fixed him right up.
Now, I had gotten a wrist BP monitor for home (gotta love Shop.pers Optimum Points... it cost me nothing). I've been taking my BP every mroning and evening and recording it. For the last 3 weeks, it has been reading about 90/60! When I told the GP that she was shocked. She took it in the office and it was 105/65. She said she had never seen anyone respond to meds so well or so quickly. She wants me back in two months to follow up, unless I start to get readings lower than 90/60, or if I start t have dizzy spells, etc.
I asked her about the possibility of the Megestrol being the cause of it being so high since I read that that's a possible side effect. She said it could definitely be the cause and she wants me to take my BP 3 times a day when I go off the Megestrol and if it drops go to the ER immediately if I can't get in to see her. So that's fun!
I also asked her about my ortho referal. She referred me in December to a new ortho surgeon, because I had had no contact from my previous one for nearly 5 months. I have heard nothing from the new surgeon at all. She told me to call the surgeon, but laughed and told me not to tell them that she said to. :) She said I should have heard already. The problem is that I broke this ankle in early Dec 2011, and it took until August to get to see the first ortho. Once they book the surgery, it could still be 4 months or more until the surgery happens. My big concern about this is that I am in pretty much constant pain, and when the bone chip shifts it sometimes gets caught in the joint and I can't even walk on it... it happens sometimes at work and I have to sit and pull at my foot and rotate it until I feel the chip pop out. Not normal. Also, the ligament that was attached to that part of the bone that chippped off is just hanging there, not doing it's job, and I can feel the weakness in my ankle.
My biggest worry is what if I do miraculously get pregnant, then I will have even more weight on the ankle and won't be able to have the surgery until after delivery, and I can't even carry a book while on crutches, never mind a baby. See my issues? I was happy that I got in to an ortho last summer knowing that the soonest I would be able to get pregnant would be an entire year later. Now we're (hopefully) only two months from trying again and nothing on the ortho front.
I am thinking of dropping FB for a while. This past week has been bad - there has been 5 birth announcements and 3 pregnancy announcements. I can handle one every so often, but this many at once? urgh. The one that really got me was one of the women that I went to University with. The kicker is that she got married the same day as me. She even said when they announced last fall that the first month they tried they succeeded. It really hurt me. We've been trying since two months before our wedding (coming up on 4 years next month), and nothing. She tries one month and succeeds. I know I shouldn't be upset, but I am. She had her baby this week and my FB is plastered with pics. Sigh. I might have to just check out for a while.
My poor fur baby boy had his big surgery this week. We waited until he was a year to neuter him on the advice of the vet. He's a very large breed dog and apparently the current thought process in vet world is to let large breeds grow for the first year before taking away the testosterone. Apparently in males, it's important for bone growth and to help prevent the hip displasia, etc. So we did that. On Tuesday we got up bright and early and took him to the vet. Two hours later they called and said that he did really well and we could pick him up in about four hours. When we picked him up, he was so dopey that he could hardly walk straight, and kept running into stuff because of the cone. About halfway home we decided that he was not resting because of the cone so we took it off and I sat with him to stop him from licking. When we got home, we left the cone off and watched him. We only had to stop him from licking twice. The first night home we put on the cone and nobody (him or us) had good sleeps. I watched him the whole next day and no licking at all. So we have abandoned the cone. The vet said that he should relax and not run around or jump on furniture, etc. So, she had no ideas of how to stop a 70 lbs dog from doing that. He's been taking stairs 3 at a time and jumping on the couch and bed, and showing no signs of pain. I've been checking his incision point and he seems to be doing fine. After the first day home, his energy levels spiked back up and you would never know that he had anything done to him. He's just his regular hyper, happy, affectionate self, getting into trouble as usual. Today when I was in town I picked him up a special treat - a giant bacon cookie. It was about 8 inches long, 4 inches wide, and 1 inch thick in the shape of a bone. He wasn't sure at first what the hell I was giving him, but then he settled in with it and my whole living room smelled of bacon milk bones. LOL
Take a look, doesn't he seem traumatized? Guess that bacon cookie fixed him right up.
Monday, 25 March 2013
What is tough?
I'm tough. At least I think I am. I've gone through some really rough patches and am I'm still around to tell about it.
It's amazing how we qualify how tough someone is by what they've been through. And is it enough to know that you are tough, or do you need other people to know it too? It is enough to think "I've survived hell", or do we need to publicly be tougher than the next person. Is toughness a one-uper game?
The other day at work, someone was talking about one of my coworkers who is heading in for back surgery. They said "oh, she'll recover quickly, she a tough woman, after all, she beat cancer. You don't beat cancer by not being tough" . The follow up was "Yeah, none of us will ever be as tough as her, we've never faced cancer.". Now, I don't particularly like the "tough" coworker, but in my mind, it was all about 'you don't know me, you don't know how much I've been through'. All I said was that I thought that there were probably a lot of tough people on the staff and some people just keep their struggles to themselves. The concensus was that nope, cancer was the number one thing that made people tough and none of us knew what it was like.
Fucking bullshit! I just wanted to shout from the hilltops that I've been facing down a cancer diagnosis for two years now. That I've had the possibility of cancer and hysterectomy hanging over my head every day since December 2010. That's a long time. Have I had to go through chemo... no, but I've been on high power drugs that have caused me to think that I"m losing my mind for over 18 months. I've had surgeries and horrilby painful tests that nobody should have to endure. I've been told at nearly every appointment that I should just give it all up and have a hysterectomy because it would be "easier". I get no sympathy from doctors and most of the people around me don't get it at all. Every day I live with the possibility that the next biopsy will reveal cancer. Hell, last May, my biopsy was inconclusive... there were precancerous cells definitely there, but there were others they thought were likely cancerous but couldn't be 100% certain. So for nearly a year I've been fighting off another round of cancer/precancer - but doing it silently. I haven't shared with work (other than my boss and even then I've been quite vague). I haven't shared with many people who know me. I've suffered rather silently, so apparently that makes me not tough.
I've struggled for the past four years with the idea that I will never have a child. That the one thing that I want so desperately, I will never have. That I will disappoint my husband and never make him a father. I deal with that pain daily. I watch others have babies, and many have babies and not care for them or parent properly, and I feel the pain. I get asked nearly daily why I don't have kids, or if I'm going to have kids, and I smile and say "eventually", knowing it's probably a lie... and I feel that pain.
I have been the victim of physical assault. I have been stalked. I have nearly lost my eyesight. I spent my highschool years being physically and emotionally bullied so badly I attempted suicide. For ten years I was walked closely as a brain aneurysm was threatening to develop. I've had a broken bone for over a year and need surgery but our wait times are ridiculous so I'm still waiting in pain. And now I am dealing with cancer issues coupled with infertility.
But apparently if you haven't had full blown cancer and haven't told the world about it, you're not tough. So, there you have it, I'm not tough... but I am bulletproof!
It's amazing how we qualify how tough someone is by what they've been through. And is it enough to know that you are tough, or do you need other people to know it too? It is enough to think "I've survived hell", or do we need to publicly be tougher than the next person. Is toughness a one-uper game?
The other day at work, someone was talking about one of my coworkers who is heading in for back surgery. They said "oh, she'll recover quickly, she a tough woman, after all, she beat cancer. You don't beat cancer by not being tough" . The follow up was "Yeah, none of us will ever be as tough as her, we've never faced cancer.". Now, I don't particularly like the "tough" coworker, but in my mind, it was all about 'you don't know me, you don't know how much I've been through'. All I said was that I thought that there were probably a lot of tough people on the staff and some people just keep their struggles to themselves. The concensus was that nope, cancer was the number one thing that made people tough and none of us knew what it was like.
Fucking bullshit! I just wanted to shout from the hilltops that I've been facing down a cancer diagnosis for two years now. That I've had the possibility of cancer and hysterectomy hanging over my head every day since December 2010. That's a long time. Have I had to go through chemo... no, but I've been on high power drugs that have caused me to think that I"m losing my mind for over 18 months. I've had surgeries and horrilby painful tests that nobody should have to endure. I've been told at nearly every appointment that I should just give it all up and have a hysterectomy because it would be "easier". I get no sympathy from doctors and most of the people around me don't get it at all. Every day I live with the possibility that the next biopsy will reveal cancer. Hell, last May, my biopsy was inconclusive... there were precancerous cells definitely there, but there were others they thought were likely cancerous but couldn't be 100% certain. So for nearly a year I've been fighting off another round of cancer/precancer - but doing it silently. I haven't shared with work (other than my boss and even then I've been quite vague). I haven't shared with many people who know me. I've suffered rather silently, so apparently that makes me not tough.
I've struggled for the past four years with the idea that I will never have a child. That the one thing that I want so desperately, I will never have. That I will disappoint my husband and never make him a father. I deal with that pain daily. I watch others have babies, and many have babies and not care for them or parent properly, and I feel the pain. I get asked nearly daily why I don't have kids, or if I'm going to have kids, and I smile and say "eventually", knowing it's probably a lie... and I feel that pain.
I have been the victim of physical assault. I have been stalked. I have nearly lost my eyesight. I spent my highschool years being physically and emotionally bullied so badly I attempted suicide. For ten years I was walked closely as a brain aneurysm was threatening to develop. I've had a broken bone for over a year and need surgery but our wait times are ridiculous so I'm still waiting in pain. And now I am dealing with cancer issues coupled with infertility.
But apparently if you haven't had full blown cancer and haven't told the world about it, you're not tough. So, there you have it, I'm not tough... but I am bulletproof!
Saturday, 23 March 2013
Babies and Puppies
So, fair warning, this is going to be another whiny post.
I have scheduled the surgery for my pup to have his manhood removed for April 2. Since the vet is over two hours away, and in the same city that the inlaws live in, we figured that we'd go in the night before and stay over. We have to have pup at the vet by 7 am, so it makes sense to stay over.
Hubby called his parents today to just confirm that we could go - it was supposed to be an easy call of simply informing them that we were coming. It turned into us not being able to go after all.
As I understand it, BIL is going to be there that same night since he is flying somewhere the next day. Since he will have the baby there, we aren't allowed to have the dog there. It was stated in very clear terms - the dog is not allowed when the baby is here.
Now, I get that my dog is hyper. He's nearly a year old so he's got tons of energy, and he's at that adolescent stage so that means he doesn't want to listen well either. We're working on that. But he loves everyone he comes in contact with and I've never seen him get vicious at any point in his life (and if any dog had the reason, it would be him considering where he came from).
I get the fear of having a big dog near a baby. But come on, I would never leave him off leash or let him that close to the baby. I know he doesn't know his own strength and can be damned pushy. But is that a reason to outlaw him? Apparently so.
It's gotten to the point where I feel like we're not welcome in the inlaw's house because of the dog. MIL hates the dog. She claims she doesn't, but she actually cringes when he's around. FIL loves him, but we know who runs the place. I told hubby tonight that she better get used to him because he's going to live to be 15 or so years old, and he travels with us.
I started thinking about what's going to happen if we manage to get pregnant. I'm sure she will suggest we get rid of the dog. And that statement will be met with a statement that will be not overly nice but clearly telling her off. I adopted my dog and cats with the full understanding that they are mine to care for until they are done on this earth. I don't believe in just getting rid of them when it's not convenient. I had no choice but to give my cat to my parents for a year while I was finishing school, but as soon as I moved into my own house, I took her back. I missed her horribly while she was with them. I love my pets. I don't like the insinuation that they are bad or that people would dislike them.
It just pisses me off. I know it's stupid, but my pets are my babies and I feel like when they are rejected, so am I.
I have scheduled the surgery for my pup to have his manhood removed for April 2. Since the vet is over two hours away, and in the same city that the inlaws live in, we figured that we'd go in the night before and stay over. We have to have pup at the vet by 7 am, so it makes sense to stay over.
Hubby called his parents today to just confirm that we could go - it was supposed to be an easy call of simply informing them that we were coming. It turned into us not being able to go after all.
As I understand it, BIL is going to be there that same night since he is flying somewhere the next day. Since he will have the baby there, we aren't allowed to have the dog there. It was stated in very clear terms - the dog is not allowed when the baby is here.
Now, I get that my dog is hyper. He's nearly a year old so he's got tons of energy, and he's at that adolescent stage so that means he doesn't want to listen well either. We're working on that. But he loves everyone he comes in contact with and I've never seen him get vicious at any point in his life (and if any dog had the reason, it would be him considering where he came from).
I get the fear of having a big dog near a baby. But come on, I would never leave him off leash or let him that close to the baby. I know he doesn't know his own strength and can be damned pushy. But is that a reason to outlaw him? Apparently so.
It's gotten to the point where I feel like we're not welcome in the inlaw's house because of the dog. MIL hates the dog. She claims she doesn't, but she actually cringes when he's around. FIL loves him, but we know who runs the place. I told hubby tonight that she better get used to him because he's going to live to be 15 or so years old, and he travels with us.
I started thinking about what's going to happen if we manage to get pregnant. I'm sure she will suggest we get rid of the dog. And that statement will be met with a statement that will be not overly nice but clearly telling her off. I adopted my dog and cats with the full understanding that they are mine to care for until they are done on this earth. I don't believe in just getting rid of them when it's not convenient. I had no choice but to give my cat to my parents for a year while I was finishing school, but as soon as I moved into my own house, I took her back. I missed her horribly while she was with them. I love my pets. I don't like the insinuation that they are bad or that people would dislike them.
It just pisses me off. I know it's stupid, but my pets are my babies and I feel like when they are rejected, so am I.
Wednesday, 13 March 2013
So you had a bad day...
That song started playing as I was driving home from work, on very wet roads that will be slick as hell in the morning. I started crying. I did have a bad day and when I got home it seemed to get worse. There was nothing big that happened, just a lot of little stuff.
This morning one of my students was in tears over the breakup with her boyfriend. I teach middle years and fully believe that these kids are much too young to date. Nobody is emotionally stable enough at 12 to be in a relationship with another human being. Hell, a lot of people aren't emotionally stable enough at 22 or 32! I tried to talk to the child in question, but she really didn't want to talk. She said that she would come to me if she felt like we was going to snap. But, of course, she didn't. Instead she went and hit the girl who her ex is now seeing (major rebounds going on here). She is naturally upset by her punishment and doesn't think it's fair since she says the other girl pushed her first, but since it was all the other girl's friends in the room, that wasn't said by any witness.
Next, I had to chase down several students for homework - which I find tedious and ridiculous. I just don't think that I should have to chase them down at this point... but I do. It just pisses me off.
I've been running an extra-curricular activity at school for over a year now. This year the committment from the students is lacking and we decided today to cancel it for the rest of the year. It makes me sad, I love that activity and it's a nice break from real-life, but without students there is no point.
However, some of my other students want to start a gay-straight alliance group. I told them I would be their teacher supervisor, but they had to have a group of interested students. The problem is though that we are in a small, rural town and something like that may not actually fly with parents and community members. We have some students in our school who are openly gay and bi, but parents would rather not acknowledge it... which is part of the problem. I see it as being a battle from day one.
I spend a part of my day with the smallest people in the school. I know they are only 5 & 6 years old, but being asked if I "have a baby in my tummy" is still painful. Yes, I'm extra fluffy in that area, but when the comments come it hurts. I know they are just little kids, but seriously people, teach your children not to ask such questions! The other day I had a child ask if I had any kids at home - when I told him no, he said "Oh, you should go get some". Ahhh, if only it was that easy.
My husband (who is currently unemployed) decided to go for lunch with a friend, which meant that he planned out nothing for supper and wasn't hungry after his late lunch. That meant that I ended up having a can of soup for supper again... I hate soup (unless I"m sick).
Finally, I have mother issues. My mother has a neurological issue that we found out a couple of months ago is going to require brain surgery. She was supposed to be having her first appointment with the brain surgeon on Friday, but "it might snow they say on tv, so I'm calling tomorrow to cancel". Nothing I could say would change the woman's mind. Who does that? Who decides two days before that they are cancelling. You wait until that morning and then call and cancel if there is bad weather. My mother might be certifiable. The worst part is that she thinks it's just super-simple to cancel a sub. "Just tell them you don't need the sub". Yeah, I could do that, but the sub has been booked for weeks which means that the woman has probably turned down several other jobs for that day... so for me to come in the day before and say "nope, don't need you", I think is rude and doesn't show respect for my sub. I'm not sure what I"m going to do exactly - maybe take a medical day myself and get chiro done... if the weather is good enough of course. With my luck, the weather will be crap, confirming my mother's suspicions and only giving her fodder for the next time.
I think the only option left at this point is to just call it a day and try again tomorrow.
This morning one of my students was in tears over the breakup with her boyfriend. I teach middle years and fully believe that these kids are much too young to date. Nobody is emotionally stable enough at 12 to be in a relationship with another human being. Hell, a lot of people aren't emotionally stable enough at 22 or 32! I tried to talk to the child in question, but she really didn't want to talk. She said that she would come to me if she felt like we was going to snap. But, of course, she didn't. Instead she went and hit the girl who her ex is now seeing (major rebounds going on here). She is naturally upset by her punishment and doesn't think it's fair since she says the other girl pushed her first, but since it was all the other girl's friends in the room, that wasn't said by any witness.
Next, I had to chase down several students for homework - which I find tedious and ridiculous. I just don't think that I should have to chase them down at this point... but I do. It just pisses me off.
I've been running an extra-curricular activity at school for over a year now. This year the committment from the students is lacking and we decided today to cancel it for the rest of the year. It makes me sad, I love that activity and it's a nice break from real-life, but without students there is no point.
However, some of my other students want to start a gay-straight alliance group. I told them I would be their teacher supervisor, but they had to have a group of interested students. The problem is though that we are in a small, rural town and something like that may not actually fly with parents and community members. We have some students in our school who are openly gay and bi, but parents would rather not acknowledge it... which is part of the problem. I see it as being a battle from day one.
I spend a part of my day with the smallest people in the school. I know they are only 5 & 6 years old, but being asked if I "have a baby in my tummy" is still painful. Yes, I'm extra fluffy in that area, but when the comments come it hurts. I know they are just little kids, but seriously people, teach your children not to ask such questions! The other day I had a child ask if I had any kids at home - when I told him no, he said "Oh, you should go get some". Ahhh, if only it was that easy.
My husband (who is currently unemployed) decided to go for lunch with a friend, which meant that he planned out nothing for supper and wasn't hungry after his late lunch. That meant that I ended up having a can of soup for supper again... I hate soup (unless I"m sick).
Finally, I have mother issues. My mother has a neurological issue that we found out a couple of months ago is going to require brain surgery. She was supposed to be having her first appointment with the brain surgeon on Friday, but "it might snow they say on tv, so I'm calling tomorrow to cancel". Nothing I could say would change the woman's mind. Who does that? Who decides two days before that they are cancelling. You wait until that morning and then call and cancel if there is bad weather. My mother might be certifiable. The worst part is that she thinks it's just super-simple to cancel a sub. "Just tell them you don't need the sub". Yeah, I could do that, but the sub has been booked for weeks which means that the woman has probably turned down several other jobs for that day... so for me to come in the day before and say "nope, don't need you", I think is rude and doesn't show respect for my sub. I'm not sure what I"m going to do exactly - maybe take a medical day myself and get chiro done... if the weather is good enough of course. With my luck, the weather will be crap, confirming my mother's suspicions and only giving her fodder for the next time.
I think the only option left at this point is to just call it a day and try again tomorrow.
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
Baptism
So hubby and I had a long talk on Sunday night about how if BIL didn't contact us by today, we would not be going to the baby's baptism, even if we were invited. We just felt that it would be unreasonable to expect us to be at an event only five days away and besides that, it is just wrong to wait to invite your own brother to your baby's baptism until the last minute.
So we had a long talk about how MIL has changed since the baby has come around. I told hubby that I feel guilty and it's my fault that he's not a father yet. I feel like MIL has resentment against me because of it. Don't get me wrong, MIL is not the warmest person in the world - she's been described by her own son as cold. She's never openly said that she doesn't like me, but it's just a feeling that I have. I get a strong feeling that she feels I'm not good enough. I can't figure out why. I'm kind, honest, intelligent, and generally a good person. I'm not pretty, I'm not thin, and I think that's part of it. My MIL is quite superficial. Anyway, since the niece was born, I feel like there is additional coldness and I feel like she has added resentment because I haven't given her son a child yet. This is quite funny when you think about it, given that BIL and his wife have been married nearly 15 years and just had their first baby in their 40s. But apparently I'm a giant loser for not having a baby at 36 after 4 years of marriage. At least that's the way it's coming across.
So, anyway, after this long discussion on Sunday, hubby tells me on Monday that his phone was apparently not picking up texts and his brother texted him an invite on Sunday night. So I guess we're going to be going to the baptism, unless the roads don't hold. We've had a miserable winter and the roads have been horrible - today was solid ice covered with snow - it was pretty hard going to get to work. So, unless winter rears its ugly head again and we get another storm, we'll be off to church on Sunday.
Here's another question I had, and yes I realise I sound like a bitch on this one. Who manages to schedule a baptism at a busy church at 10:30 in the morning? I fear this is going to lead to me having to sit through a church service prior to the baptism. I know it sounds stupid, but I don't like being tricked into going to to church. When I started having big IF problems, I started questioning and losing any faith I had (sounds like a topic for another post). Since then I've only been to church for funerals and weddings. I know I will just have to suck it up and go, but I hate that I have to go to church and fake it.
So my weekend will end with me having to spend yet another day with everyone fawning over this baby and her parents. Seriously in my husband's family it's like these two just figured out the cure for global warming - they have been made into gods - and it really is getting sickening. To top it off, we are going to have to make the 2 hour drive that morning, because BIL is staying at the inlaw's house, so we can't. Why you might ask? Because we can't leave our dog at home overnight, obviously - we don't have an outdoor space for him - he lives indoors. We were told that if we brought the dog he would have to stay in the shop for the night - um, no! We could ask my parents to take him for the night, but I just don't feel right asking them to do it... again. So we'll just leave early and put in the drive in the morning to get there. And I guarantee that nobody is going to care that we put in the time or the drive. *sigh* We'll see if anyone even acknowledges my presence - it doesn't happen often.
Jealousy? Perhaps... but come on, it's getting a bit over the top on the worship of these people.
So we had a long talk about how MIL has changed since the baby has come around. I told hubby that I feel guilty and it's my fault that he's not a father yet. I feel like MIL has resentment against me because of it. Don't get me wrong, MIL is not the warmest person in the world - she's been described by her own son as cold. She's never openly said that she doesn't like me, but it's just a feeling that I have. I get a strong feeling that she feels I'm not good enough. I can't figure out why. I'm kind, honest, intelligent, and generally a good person. I'm not pretty, I'm not thin, and I think that's part of it. My MIL is quite superficial. Anyway, since the niece was born, I feel like there is additional coldness and I feel like she has added resentment because I haven't given her son a child yet. This is quite funny when you think about it, given that BIL and his wife have been married nearly 15 years and just had their first baby in their 40s. But apparently I'm a giant loser for not having a baby at 36 after 4 years of marriage. At least that's the way it's coming across.
So, anyway, after this long discussion on Sunday, hubby tells me on Monday that his phone was apparently not picking up texts and his brother texted him an invite on Sunday night. So I guess we're going to be going to the baptism, unless the roads don't hold. We've had a miserable winter and the roads have been horrible - today was solid ice covered with snow - it was pretty hard going to get to work. So, unless winter rears its ugly head again and we get another storm, we'll be off to church on Sunday.
Here's another question I had, and yes I realise I sound like a bitch on this one. Who manages to schedule a baptism at a busy church at 10:30 in the morning? I fear this is going to lead to me having to sit through a church service prior to the baptism. I know it sounds stupid, but I don't like being tricked into going to to church. When I started having big IF problems, I started questioning and losing any faith I had (sounds like a topic for another post). Since then I've only been to church for funerals and weddings. I know I will just have to suck it up and go, but I hate that I have to go to church and fake it.
So my weekend will end with me having to spend yet another day with everyone fawning over this baby and her parents. Seriously in my husband's family it's like these two just figured out the cure for global warming - they have been made into gods - and it really is getting sickening. To top it off, we are going to have to make the 2 hour drive that morning, because BIL is staying at the inlaw's house, so we can't. Why you might ask? Because we can't leave our dog at home overnight, obviously - we don't have an outdoor space for him - he lives indoors. We were told that if we brought the dog he would have to stay in the shop for the night - um, no! We could ask my parents to take him for the night, but I just don't feel right asking them to do it... again. So we'll just leave early and put in the drive in the morning to get there. And I guarantee that nobody is going to care that we put in the time or the drive. *sigh* We'll see if anyone even acknowledges my presence - it doesn't happen often.
Jealousy? Perhaps... but come on, it's getting a bit over the top on the worship of these people.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
