Monday, 21 October 2013

Working in (my own personal) Hell

Honestly I must have been on bad mammer-jammer in a past life because things around here keep getting worse.

I'm already having to see one coworker who is due in December flit around all happy (and why shouldn't she be) and now this morning my boss announces that she too is pregnant. My coworker only knows a small bit of my story but she was kind enough this summer to text me to tell me so I wouldn't find out via a group announcement. My boss knows most of my story and has a sister who did IVF and she still didn't have the decency to warn me. It was like someone hit me in the head and ripped out my guts.

I'm supposed to be on a prep right now but I can't concentrate. I'm so over this place. There is another coworker who I think may also be pregnant (I suspect she did IVF at the start of September and given that she didn't seem too upset by the announement I think she might be... Then again she might have a great IF face like me). There is yet another coworker who got married this summer and is inching up on 30 - they lived together for two years already so it wouldn't surprise me if she got pregnant soon too.

And then it will be me alone. The one married young-ish woman in the place without kids.

I'm hoping this is our month but not holdin my breath. FF has changed the day it thinks I ovulated 3 times and the one it keeps going back to means we are out of luck completely. The other two possible days at least put us kind of in the running, but I never got a positive OPK this month so I'm thinking it probably didn't happen at all

I'm seriously thinking of ordering Cl.omid online but I'm kind of hesitant.

At this point I'm so sad and anxious all the time and I actually dread my job these days.