Friday, 27 July 2012

Fibroid? Cyst? Polyp? Help!!!

Ok, fair warning, this post is going to be serious TMI... you've been warned.

So the first day of my last period was March 9th.  In all fairness I was put on Provera (non-stop) up to that point, and then told to stop it at the beginning of March and wait for the biopsy results.  I did, but nothing more happened AF wise after that March AF.  Then in May I was put back on Provera (200 mg a day) and then switched to Megestrol (160 mg a day) so I haven't had a period at all.  Not really complaining... honest.  Nothing good has ever come from my periods.

Anyway, on June 26th, when I saw the RE, I had a visit from Mr. Wand-erful and the RE said that the lining looked normal, but thick (15 mm which was much less than the 34 in March, so I was happy about this).

My concern is this.  I've had a couple of instances of cramping and bleeding... just out of the blue.  On July 15th and 25th, I had a bad cramp suddenly, and then (and this is the TMI part), when I went to the bathroom I noticed the blood.  Bright red, on the TP and in the water.  It didn't last long either day - in fact when I put on a pad, no blood actually hit it, but there was definitely blood... both times.

So I start consulting Dr. Google and he says (over and over) miscarriage and/or pregnancy.  Well thank you so much.  Even when I tell him to NOT search those terms it comes up.  It's like, here's some salt for that wound.  I KNOW that I'm not pregnant.  Can't get pregnant on these drugs, and not ovulating so makes it pretty fucking hard to get pregnant... and you know what?  If I'm not pregnant, then miscarriage is out of the question too.

Everything else I find says fibroid, polyp, or even cyst.  I had one person tell me that she had that problem and had an orange sized fibroid.  But here's the thing - whatever is causing it had to develop in only two weeks as I had a clear u/s in June.

Anyone have any ideas?  Do you think it might just be my body saying that it wants to shed and the drugs won't let it?  Spotting is a side effect of Megestrol, but I hadn't had any spotting for the month prior that I was on it, so it didn't seem likely to me.

I'm just starting to worry that it's something else that might be happening.  Wouldn't it be wonderful to have something else be wrong on top of all the other IF problems that I have??  Did you get the sarcasm there?  yeah, I'm so over all of this!

Any help or ideas is appreciated!

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Anniversary Drama

I feel like all I've been doing lately is venting, but here goes again... you've been warned.

Yesterday was our third wedding anniversary.  I know that three years probably doesn't seem like much to some people, but given that we've been going through this IF bullshit since before we got married - the fact that we've lasted three whole years through it, and don't want to kill each other (most days) is amazing.  Anyway, I was out shopping with a friend in the morning and then met up with hubby for a nice supper (well, Red Lobster - but I guess that's nice, right?)  So I got home around 3 and we decided to do an early supper at about 5ish.  We took the dog for a walk and put him in his kennel.  I should mention that we were in the city at my inlaws at this point.

So we put the dog in his kennel and went out for supper.  Let me tell you right now that we were gone barely more than  90 minutes from the time we left til the time we got back.  I walked into the house just before 7:30 and went into the basement to get the dog out of his kennel.  He wasn't in there.  So I figured that my mother-in-law took him outside.  She had.  I went outside and she was sitting there with this awful look on her face.  I said hi and she was super cold.  The woman is never toasty warm and lovey dovey, but she was icy at that point.  I asked if he had been barking.  She said yes.  I thanked her for taking him out and then told her that the barking was him just hearing her and being a typical puppy (always wanting attention).  She asked how long we were gone and I told her not even two hours.

When my husband came outside, she got colder.  The tension was palpable so I took the dog inside.  I was barely through the door when the shitstorm started.  She started asking how long we were gone (um, didn't I just tell you?) and why we thought it was ok to abandon our dog in the house (he was in his kennel and was fine).  She apparently (I was in the basement at this point) told my husband that we were shirking our dog ownership responsibilities and were not being good owners because we left him alone in his cage.  The fight was on then.  She told my husband that we should pack up and leave.  This was nearly 8 pm at this point, and we have two hours of driving to get home.  Plus, we had errands that we had to do before we could leave the city.  To top it off, we'd rented a couple of videos to have a nice quiet anniversary evening... so we took those back unwatched.

As we were packing, she tried to talk to my husband again - she told him that it wasn't her responsibility to take care of our dog.  He told her that she didn't need to.  He would have been fine.  He sleeps for three-four hours at time during the day in his cage, and at night he does 8 hours straight.  He's not a human baby, he doesn't need constant attention and care.  She said that my husband didn't know how to take care of a dog.  He responded with maybe he didn't, but I certainly did given that I'd had one for 18 fucking years.  She stormed off and he got madder.

We finally got packed up and ran our errands - some of which had to be left because places were closed.  We went for groceries and finally got out of the city at about 9:30.  Part of that was because I got completely sick while grocery shopping.  The bad side effects of some of the food at Red Lobster - they put white wine on some of their stuff and I've got a bad allergy to wine.  Even when I ask them to be careful, sometimes it cross-contaminates and stomach issues happen.  But I digress.

Apparently while I was in the store, hubby called his father who was out of town on a business trip.  FIL has been wanting help drywalling his new shop.  This is how the conversation went:
Hubby:  Hi, how are you?
FIL:  good, and you?
Hubby:  Pretty pissed off, your wife kicked me out of your house.  Have fun with the drywall.  Call me in September.  (click)

When hubby told me this I told him that he should apologize to his dad because he had nothing to do with it. Hubby was incensed and said  he can't go to help if he can't bring the dog.  I told him that I could keep the dog at home for the day and he could go in.  So he texted his dad today and apologized - no response, but at least he tried to man up.

Am I being completely unreasonable about this?  Pet owners... help me out here?  The dog was fine in his cage for a couple of hours and we were just wanting a nice dinner out.  If it hadn't been 30 degrees yesterday we would have taken him and put him in the car, but that wasn't safe.  If she would have just ignored him for 10 seconds, he would have quieted down.  I don't think that we're being unreasonable.

I just can't believe that she pulled this shit and kicked us out at 8 pm so that we didn't get home until after 11:30 - particularly when she knew that I was sick too.  AND on our anniversary.

She has done lots of little stuff to piss me off, but this has to be a new low.

Both hubby and I said that if she would have just said "Look, I don't really want you leaving the dog alone in the house", we would have apologized and not done it again, but we didn't see an issue in doing it, so we did, and her response was to have a hissy fit and kick us out?

Am I wrong to be pissed off?

Monday, 9 July 2012


So this is a vent post... you've been warned.

First of all, let me say that I do really love my in-laws.  I get along great with them.  They are really wonderful people and I don't cringe about going to their house or having them come over... but sometimes, my mother-in-law drives me crazy!

She is a neat freak.  By that I don't mean that she keeps a clean house, I mean that everything needs to be spotless.  How she raised my husband (who is a major slob most of the time) is beyond me!  Let me give you an example... she won't let us walk around in bare feet on her hardwood floor because it leaves footprints.  The woman must have Xray heat vision or something, because nobody else can see those foot prints.  I really hope that she gets to enjoy the fun of a grandchild at some point so that she can go completely crazy, because I guarantee that any child who comes from me will refuse to wear socks. lol.

Anyway, my in-laws are very generous.  I have probably mentioned before, but they have too much money... the type of wealth that has them looking for new things to do around the house because the money is burning a hole in their pockets. Recently their dishwasher quit on them, so they bought a new one - a nice stainless steel one.  So, naturally, that meant that they needed to replace the rest of their appliances so that they are all new and stainless.  They offered us their 4 year old flat-top stove.  Naturally we jumped at it.  Then they decided that they would get a new washer and dryer to match the rest of the appliances.  So they offered us their "old" ones (again these are about 6 years old).  The washer/dryer that we have came with our house and it is identical to the ones that my mother had in our mobile home growing up - they were new in 1983.  So I was quick to say YES to the much newer front loading washer and much better dryer!  We brought them out a couple of weeks ago, but waited to install them until yesterday when the father-in-law could come and help to get it set up properly.  Apparently you need to make sure that those front loaders are completely level or they don't work right.

So the in-laws came out yesterday.

First of all, they say that they are going to be there shortly after lunch.  They call when they were about half an hour away, at 10 am, and ask "oh, did we wake you?".  No!  I've been awake since 6 am... puppy remember??  Then they inform me that they are half an hour away.  Great!  We were about 90 minutes away from finished cleaning up.  So it resulted in a massive quick sweep of the place and pushing stuff under beds, etc.  I had no intention of cleaning the bedroom, but my husband decided that he needed his dad to also install the ceiling fan that we had purchased - last summer!  So that needed cleaning too.

Now, I'm not the worst house-keeper in the world, but I'm not a neat freak.  I don't care if there are dishes in the kitchen - hell I don't care if there is a plate left on the coffee table overnight either.  I don't care if laundry piles up.  I don't care if the floor isn't swept every night, or the carpet vaccuumed every day.  My house is livable, it doesn't look like a museum and I'm ok with that.  I figure there are more important things than cleaning.  We don't live in squalor or filth - just a bit of clutter (no, not hoarders type clutter lol).  My house is very much like my mother's.  Not a surprise.

So here's the vent.  My mother-in-law walked into my house and wasn't there for even three minutes when she grabbed the dishcloth and started to wipe down counters and the sides of my portable dishwasher.  Seriously!  The dishwasher.  For the record, I actually scrubbed it down with a scrubbing pad and soap earlier - there wasn't a spot on it.  She scrubbed the countertops and said "just in case you need to cook there".  For the record, I had just washed the counters with soap about five minutes earlier.  She grabbed my broom and swept the floor... I had just washed it about 20 minutes before they showed up.  When they moved out the washer and dryer, I swept and scrubbed underneath, and then she went back 3 minutes later and swept it again - with the dirty broom on the wet floor.  So then it needed to be washed again.

It makes me mental.  I work like a dog to get the house into a respectable condition so that I don't feel like a giant failure as a wife/daughter-in-law and then all of this happens and I feel like complete shit about myself.  Nothing I do as far as my house is good enough.  She constantly makes "suggestions" as to what we should do with the house and what we need to fix or improve.  Nothing is ever good enough.

Sorry for the vent, I'm just so frustrated!