Warm

It's so nice here that we actually opened up the BBQ tonight and cooked up burgers.

I love the smell of BBQ - it just reminds me of those nights, sitting outside with friends/family, and enjoying the summer. Where I live, summer can be fleeting, so you have to enjoy it while you can. Since I became a teacher, enjoying summer got a bit easier, I admit, but I have always loved a nice summer night. Oh oh, now I have a song from Grease running through my head.

Anyway, hubby cooked up burgers (which, as I suspected, were freezer-burned and did not taste all that great), and I fried up the onions and peppers and mushrooms, and got the tomatoes and cheese and lettuce ready to go.

In the end, even though the burgers themselves did not taste great (I ended up taking mine off the bun completely), the smell of BBQ was in the air and the sandwich tasted amazing!

I know to some of you this seems odd, but for our area, having consistent temps above 10 degrees Celcius (50 Fahrenheit) in March is unheard of. We nearly have all the snow from our yard gone - and it's early March!! We're actually talking at school about starting practice for track and field since the field is going to be clear by Easter! Totally unheard of.

On a TTC note, the Clomid is making me mental. I have bad headaches that set in around 1 pm (just in time to get me to my 4th period class) and they last for the rest of the day. I'm exhausted too! I don't know why that is. I suspect a B12 or iron deficiency - I have an appointment next week to find out the blood test results from my GP. The other possibility is thyroid (which was also checked). I don't want to think that something isn't right, but at least if I know then I can fix it. And it's not like I haven't had iron and B12 deficiencies before. I figure with my family history it's only a matter of time before a thyroid problem pops up. Besides that, I'm so absent minded - I think I nearly forgot my own name today! Seriously, I got 10 minutes from home this morning when I said to hubby "why is everything so blurry today" He laughed and said "the world isn't blurry, did you remember you contacts?". Nope, didn't. Completely forgot them. Thankfully I had my glasses in the car! What a disaster!

AF is still sticking around. CD 6 at this point. One more day of Clomid tomorrow. My temps are higher this month - they are what I would have considered really high in the past cycles. Hovering at around 36.5 C (97.7 F). Previously, my normal temps were hanging around 35.8 C (96.4 F). According to the internet, anything below 36 degrees is borderline hypothermia... that's a good way to spend your life right? I just hope that in about ten days I get a big jump in temp that stays that way.

I hate waiting.

Violating Doctor's Orders

Wednesday was the big biopsy day. We got into town and to Dr. B's office about 10 minutes early and was faced with four pregnant women... FOUR!!! I still say that there should be a different waiting room for people who are TTC and going through IF. It's not fair when I have to sit and watch the happy faces all the while waiting for an appointment that could either put us back on the TTC track, or put us further behind.

So a nice little bonus, when they weighed me I weighed 40 lbs less than I had that morning on my scale. Now, I would love to say that I found the miracle for weight loss and that I managed to lose it during those three hours, but I"m just not that good... and you're not that gullible! Apparently the scale I have at home is incredibly wrong - so that was a nice surprise. Of course, it didn't stop me from gaining 3 lbs between Wednesday and today, but that's neither here nor there.

So, I go into the room and go through the basics of what to expect with the nurse. I laughed and told her that she didn't need to explain it - this was my fifth biopsy and I had a pretty good idea of what to expect. She laughed and looked through the file and said "oh, I would think so". So I got undressed and laid on the table - only to wait like that for 10 minutes.

Finally Dr. B came in and man is that woman fast. Within two minutes of coming into the room, she was putting in the catheter - which, for the first time, went in easily and smoothly! Then the biopsy itself. Good lord it hurt. I don't remember any of my biopsies being that bad!! It was awful! Then, Dr. B left me a prescription for another two months of Provera. She said that if I hadn't heard from her by April 1 I should start to take it.

Apparently, according to her calculations, April 1 should be day 10 of my next cycle. I think that she might need to refresh her math skills as I told her that I would be starting my next cycle on Saturday likely. So, she wants me to take it if she doesn't call first, and also that I would have it so if the biopsy doesn't come back the way that we want it to.

What got me was that she actually asked "so, you're still trying to conceive?". I just about laughed out loud. No kidding... if I didn't want to, then I'd have had the hysterectomy instead of putting up with all of this pain and medication! I was a bit taken aback that she would even ask that.

So, she wants me to take the Provera again if we don't know anything, but I'm going to violate doctor's orders... here's why.

If I wait and take the Provera, and then the biopsy comes back clear, it is a wasted cycle. I can't take anymore wasted cycles... not at 35. Not at this point where everything that I want is wrapped up in TTC. If the biopsy doesn't come back clear, then what's one more month.

So, my plan is to take Clomid this month - starting tomorrow (CD 3). In October, the protocol was Clomid on CD 3-7, then tracking ultrasound on CD 11, and trigger on CD 12. Naturally, since Dr. B wants me to take Provera, there will be no tracking ultrasound and therefore no trigger shot. Here's why I'm not worried. On CD 11, I had an 18 mm follicle, and so did the the next day. I ovulated about 16 hours later - not the 32-36 that every doctor and website says will happen. That makes me think that I was already in the process of ovulating. And when I went back for another tracking ultrasound on CD 15, the follicle was gone. So, between that and the OPK, I know that I ovulated.

So my plan this month is to take Clomid from CD 3-7, and then hope beyond hope that I ovulate on my own. I figure that if I don't, not a big deal, but if I do then we're one step closer and I will know that I don't need the trigger shot. I have a bunch OPK sticks to use, and have started to chart my temps again - so hopefully that will clearly show me that there was ovulation (or not).

And then there is the issue of the hyperplasia. If it's still there, then there is little chance that implantation could occur. But if it's gone, then the chance would be there and we need to take advantage of that. If I wait to take the Provera and the hyperplasia is gone, then we've missed that chance.

I know that I should follow the doctor's orders, but the last time the Provera got rid of it in three months and I was in much worse shape then than I was this time. My gut is telling me that the Provera did it's job and that we're going to be cleared to TTC, so why wait.

Am I crazy? Yeah probably!