Thursday, 19 July 2012

Anniversary Drama

I feel like all I've been doing lately is venting, but here goes again... you've been warned.

Yesterday was our third wedding anniversary.  I know that three years probably doesn't seem like much to some people, but given that we've been going through this IF bullshit since before we got married - the fact that we've lasted three whole years through it, and don't want to kill each other (most days) is amazing.  Anyway, I was out shopping with a friend in the morning and then met up with hubby for a nice supper (well, Red Lobster - but I guess that's nice, right?)  So I got home around 3 and we decided to do an early supper at about 5ish.  We took the dog for a walk and put him in his kennel.  I should mention that we were in the city at my inlaws at this point.

So we put the dog in his kennel and went out for supper.  Let me tell you right now that we were gone barely more than  90 minutes from the time we left til the time we got back.  I walked into the house just before 7:30 and went into the basement to get the dog out of his kennel.  He wasn't in there.  So I figured that my mother-in-law took him outside.  She had.  I went outside and she was sitting there with this awful look on her face.  I said hi and she was super cold.  The woman is never toasty warm and lovey dovey, but she was icy at that point.  I asked if he had been barking.  She said yes.  I thanked her for taking him out and then told her that the barking was him just hearing her and being a typical puppy (always wanting attention).  She asked how long we were gone and I told her not even two hours.

When my husband came outside, she got colder.  The tension was palpable so I took the dog inside.  I was barely through the door when the shitstorm started.  She started asking how long we were gone (um, didn't I just tell you?) and why we thought it was ok to abandon our dog in the house (he was in his kennel and was fine).  She apparently (I was in the basement at this point) told my husband that we were shirking our dog ownership responsibilities and were not being good owners because we left him alone in his cage.  The fight was on then.  She told my husband that we should pack up and leave.  This was nearly 8 pm at this point, and we have two hours of driving to get home.  Plus, we had errands that we had to do before we could leave the city.  To top it off, we'd rented a couple of videos to have a nice quiet anniversary evening... so we took those back unwatched.

As we were packing, she tried to talk to my husband again - she told him that it wasn't her responsibility to take care of our dog.  He told her that she didn't need to.  He would have been fine.  He sleeps for three-four hours at time during the day in his cage, and at night he does 8 hours straight.  He's not a human baby, he doesn't need constant attention and care.  She said that my husband didn't know how to take care of a dog.  He responded with maybe he didn't, but I certainly did given that I'd had one for 18 fucking years.  She stormed off and he got madder.

We finally got packed up and ran our errands - some of which had to be left because places were closed.  We went for groceries and finally got out of the city at about 9:30.  Part of that was because I got completely sick while grocery shopping.  The bad side effects of some of the food at Red Lobster - they put white wine on some of their stuff and I've got a bad allergy to wine.  Even when I ask them to be careful, sometimes it cross-contaminates and stomach issues happen.  But I digress.

Apparently while I was in the store, hubby called his father who was out of town on a business trip.  FIL has been wanting help drywalling his new shop.  This is how the conversation went:
Hubby:  Hi, how are you?
FIL:  good, and you?
Hubby:  Pretty pissed off, your wife kicked me out of your house.  Have fun with the drywall.  Call me in September.  (click)

When hubby told me this I told him that he should apologize to his dad because he had nothing to do with it. Hubby was incensed and said  he can't go to help if he can't bring the dog.  I told him that I could keep the dog at home for the day and he could go in.  So he texted his dad today and apologized - no response, but at least he tried to man up.

Am I being completely unreasonable about this?  Pet owners... help me out here?  The dog was fine in his cage for a couple of hours and we were just wanting a nice dinner out.  If it hadn't been 30 degrees yesterday we would have taken him and put him in the car, but that wasn't safe.  If she would have just ignored him for 10 seconds, he would have quieted down.  I don't think that we're being unreasonable.

I just can't believe that she pulled this shit and kicked us out at 8 pm so that we didn't get home until after 11:30 - particularly when she knew that I was sick too.  AND on our anniversary.

She has done lots of little stuff to piss me off, but this has to be a new low.

Both hubby and I said that if she would have just said "Look, I don't really want you leaving the dog alone in the house", we would have apologized and not done it again, but we didn't see an issue in doing it, so we did, and her response was to have a hissy fit and kick us out?

Am I wrong to be pissed off?


Toni Rapp

I am a pet owner of three dogs that have been crate trained since 7 weeks old. In the beginning they do cry and don't want to be in there. After they are fully trained, it is there one place they feel safe and secure. I know many people think it is mean to crate train dogs and I will say they are wrong. Even my vet agrees. He is absolutely fine in his crate and safe!

Toni Rapp

Oh I forgot to mention that my pups have a bedtime of 9 pm daily. If I forget and it is getting close, they go in their crates and go to bed on their own.


You have every right to be did absolutely nothing wrong. Crating a dog for a few hours is totally acceptable and necessary in my opinion. With puppies, it is almost safer to keep them in one rather than loose, where they could end up hurting themselves. Don't question yourself, you did the right thing.


Sorry if this comes off as harsh, but your mother-in-law is clueless. It's as you said - dogs are not human infants. You don't need to be with them 24/7 and you did the most responsible thing by putting him in his cage while you were gone. It's the safest place for a puppy until it learns not to get into everything. It would have been far worse for Loki if you'd left him outside in that heat.

Both Sadie and Seamus were crate trained. They both took to it very well because it was always associated with something positive for them (treats). Seamus wouldn't seek out his crate on his own, but Sadie would. That was her den and she loved it. She even took over Seamus' crate. :) They were both happy, well-adjusted dogs and weren't traumatized by being left alone for a few hours at a time. To argue that I had to be with them ALL THE TIME is utterly ridiculous.

I wonder if something else is going on with your MIL that caused her to snap over a very trivial thing. Her reaction just isn't rational.


Mother-in-law is a heifer!!! She has some issues and is worse than mine. My MIL used to take our crated dog and put him in her neighbor's fenced back yard whenever we left (the one trip we took him). My poor boy was a crate-trained, leash dog and had no idea what to do on his own in a stranger's back yard. It didn't get any better over the four or five days we were there. Crating your puppy is a good thing (each of mine spends part of their days in the crates even now (at 9 & 10) even when I am home). It sounds like MIL was just ready to pick a fight. I'm sorry, especially that it was on your anniversary. Three years is something to celebrate!!!!

A Shadow of My Former Self

MIL sounds like the type who likes to stir stuff up and then play the put-upon victim. I was shocked she said to get out at that time of night. That's really immature and not very constructive. If she thought the dog was in fact in distress, why wouldn't she just take him out and think to herself, "Gee, I am a great MIL. I am dog sitting while my son and his wife are out for a special night."? Does she have early dementia or something? Something sounds wonky.


I know of many dog owners who crate their beloved pups when they go out. Has MIL ever owned a dog before? Sorry your anniversary plans didn't work out.

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