Leap of Faith

So I'm sitting at my GPs office. Have I mentioned how long the waits here are? Waiting an hour is average. I walked in five minutes before my appointment to find six people in the waiting room still ahead of me. 40 minutes later and we're down to two ahead of me (not including those waiting in exam rooms). She is always so far behind but she's great so people wait.

Anyway I'm sitting here because I want to change my blood pressure meds. She told me last Feb that if I got pregnant or was trying that I needed to change meds. NO I'm not pregnant (unfortunately)... But I have an appointment this afternoon with my OBGYN and I'm really hoping that she will agree to let me try tracked cycles with Clomid.  I'm very nervous and quite sure that she will reject me as too fat like the rest of the doctors have. I'm at the point of not having much hope anymore. 

As you may recall, I saw the RE in June and was basically told that I was too fat. She wouldn't help me until I lost at least 100 lbs (she wouldn't give me an exact number, just told me to come back when I lost 100 lbs and we'd talk about it then). You would think that REs would know that infertile women are on the edge, but I guess not.

So I've been working my ass off. And even though I was on crutches for nearly 7 weeks, as I this morning I'm down 40 lbs since the end of June. My BMI has dropped nearly 6 pts and I've lost 6 inches off my waist. All good things but they will mean nothing to me if nobody is willing to help me get pregnant.

So I hope that the OBGyN helps me out, but I'm steeling myself for another disappointment because it really seems like the world doesn't want me to get pregnant or be a parent.