That song keeps running through my head, but I keep replacing day with life.
Things have not been so good in peg-world lately. In fact, right now I'm in the middle of a major cry fest.
Oh, where to start...
So, I mentioned before that the Fertility Specialist won't even consider helping me until I lose at least 100 lbs. For the record I'm current down 35 lbs since the end of June. So that's a bonus, but when I see that there is a minimum of 65 more to go (and really there should be more than that to get to a really healthy weight), it seems hopeless. I've been watching my calorie intake really closely, consuming no more than 1500 calories per day. I haven't been able to work out at all in the last six weeks either... and by that I am not making excuses... I have my leg in a cast.
I know that I also mentioned my clumsy fall down the stairs nearly two years ago. I managed to sprain my ankle quite badly causing a bone chip to be torn off of the joint, one ligament to be torn off nearly completely, and two others to be stretched out to the point of being useless. Surgery to repair it was supposed to be this coming Dec/Jan, but I got a call in August that there was an opening if I wanted it. I jumped at the idea - well not exactly jumped because jumping hurt my ankle. Anyway, in I went for surgery and out I came with a cast to the knee and a pretty pair of crutches to keep my upright. I get the cast off in a week and I'm really happy about that. I can't wait to be able to move around better and a get a good night's sleep and a proper shower. Leg casts suck! I can't even imagine how gross it is inside this cast with all the dirt, etc. The pain wasn't too bad initially. It hurt mostly at the incision point which was still open inside the cast. I've lately been walking around a lot without the crutches without much problem, so I'll be glad to get the cast off and start to get back to normal life.
The big thing that has just happened for us is that my mother had a major surgery on Monday. She's had a horrible tremor in her hands and head for at least twenty years. Every time she asked about it she was told it was a side effect of her other medication. So she went on living (or not living well) with the tremor. She can't do much for herself and it is stressful for everyone involved. After going through a LOT of doctors, she finally got in to see a specialist who is world renown for this type of thing. She got in to see him and was scheduled to come in for surgery less than two weeks later. The procedure is kinda cool. They implant a probe into the brain which is controlled by a transmitter that is put under the collarbone. The transmitter sends impulses to the probe which tells the brain to stop telling the body to shake. She had the probe and transmitter put in on Monday and they turn the whole system on in about a month, after her brain has healed up. It was a long three days but she is home and she called me this afternoon and she's feeling good. So that's a bonus, but I"m just exhausted. I feel like I've been hit by a truck.
The topping to all of this is that this past week I found out that three of my cousins are expecting. Once again, I'm on the sidelines. I get to hear all the great things about them having more babies (this is baby 2, 3, and 4 for them respectively). I'm so tired of everyone but me getting pregnant. I feel like I should just give up because it's not going to happen anyway. I've been in tears on and off for days about all this. I like to think that I'm a strong person but this is getting to a point that I can't handle. I've been at a stress level of 10 for the last couple of weeks and I'm supposed to handle the rest of the things that life throws at me... I'm not sure how to do it. I considered finding someone to talk to, but I don't want to take more time off of work and I don't even know where to start looking for someone to help. It just all sucks.
I feel another crying jag coming on and I need to try to figure out how to compose myself before I return to work tomorrow. I have a feeling that it's going to be a long two days until the weekend.
Wednesday 11 September 2013
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3 comments:
Peg, oh honey, any one thing would be overwhelming and to be hit by it all! I am amazed that you are still standing. It royally sucks. I hope that the cast comes off soon and being truly mobile will help your mood (and your weight loss would be a plus also). I hope that this surgery helps your mom so much- it would be one less thing for you to worry about. As for the pregnancy news, do you ever just want to put your fingers in your ears when they get started and loudly say, "La la la- I can't hear you" over and over again until they get the idea? I do but I have a definite juvenile side. Sending you lots of love and hugs!!!!
Hang in there girl. It all just sucks. In a major way. Hugs your way!
I can't say much about mom except the surgery sounds cool and I hope she can regain her life; and about your cousins except that sucks. But as far as losing 35 lbs since june while on crutches for 6 weeks is nothing to frown at, it's actually, down-right, freaking, amazing. Instead of looking at it as 65 more try looking at it as 15 to the halfway point. And once you reach 51 you're more than halfway there and the number left will be smaller than the number completed. I wish I had your willpower.
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