Thursday, 8 September 2011

A Bit of Understanding

I'm obsessed with the TLC show "Sister Wives". I don't know why. I firmly believe that marriage belongs between two people, but I'm just enamored with this show. I love that they all seem so sure of themselves. I know people who think that the show is disgusting and that the people on it are evil. I don't agree. I believe that polygamy, when done in terms of the typical polygamy that we see on the news (sects with 12-year-old brides) is wrong. No matter which way you cut it, it's wrong. People should NEVER be forced into marriage and children... ever! But these women all appear to have entered this of their own free will. They have all said that they are in it of their own volition and can leave whenever they want to. I think it's because I loved the show "Big Love" so much that I like this show.

So, what's my point?

Well I just finished catching up on the second season of the show. Before I get to my main point, let me say this...

It is complete bull that these people were forced to basically flee in the dark of night to keep their family in tact. How the hell is following your religion and loving your family a crime? The fact that they had to flee to protect their family is just wrong - I actually cried when they drove off in the trucks. It just isn't fair.

But I digress...

At the end of the season, wife #4, who has been married less than a year to this man, announced to the cameras that she is pregnant. I was initially angry. I was mad that she didn't seem to have any problems with conception. I was mad that the show I like so much is going to make me sit through all the pregnancy talk, and that she gets what I want. I was mad, sad, and yes, jealous. But then it hit me... the show is going to have to tackle the infertility angle as well.

Here's the catch: Wife #1, who has been married 18 years, has one child, and has suffered from infertility ever since. Last season, they discussed the possibility of trying again using IVF, but she decided that it was too expensive and too difficult, and that she was getting too old to go through babies again. In the last episode of this season, there was talk about how she only had one child. The husband actually said that he didn't feel right spending as much money renting a house for her as he did for the others, because she only had one child to fill it. She started crying, and he was amazed that she was upset. The other wives attacked him for his insensitive comments, and he admitted that he didn't mean it to sound that way.

So, wife #1 and wife #4 are very close. Wife #4 is obviously very excited about her pregnancy, but then said that she is concerned that it will be tough for wife #1. She said that she desperately wants to do baby stuff with her, go shopping, talk babies, etc, but she knows that it may hurt her to even think about doing that. She said that she doesn't want to hurt her and that the pregnancy is bittersweet for her. The season ended with wife #4 going to wife #1s house to tell her prior to the announcement that she was pregnant. She said that she didn't want her to have to deal with the pain and feelings that it may bring up suddenly. She said that she understood that this may not be happy news for her, so she wanted to talk to her about it first. The show ended by wife #4 saying to wife #1, do you have a minute to talk?

I'm quite excited to see what is going to be done with this. I'm interested to see how the relationship between these women plays out given that this is now in the works. I'm interested to see how TLC approaches the idea of infertility. So far they have done a good job with it on other shows, but we'll see how this works out.

Right now I'm impressed with wife #4s attitude toward the whole thing.

I don't harbour any ill-will toward my friends when they get pregnant, I'm just sad for me. I try to be supportive, but it's tough. It's nice when they realise that their joy brings pain to others and they don't rub it in, but that doesn't always happen.

Do I expect them to be miserable and not enjoy their pregnancy? No. Do I ask that they be understanding that I may not be as excited as they want me to be? Yes.

A bit of understanding... that's all.


Single Mom 2b

I like how you pulled that together. And I completely agree with your point.

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