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Saturday, 4 February 2012

Crying Jag

I must apologize for being so absent in the month of January. Christmas was tough on me and I've been completely exhausted. I'm seriously thinking that something more is wrong with me, because I just can't get up in the morning... but I can't sleep at night. I must make an appointment with my GP, but I'm so tired of doctors at this point. Besides, my doctor is over an hour from me and I hate being that person who walks in with three or four ailments. *sigh* Getting time off of work is a pain too - if you have a job where you can just call in sick and forget about it, be grateful. I know that I chose to be a teacher, but honestly, the fact that I can be puking my guts out and still have to prepare for the day before I can call it a sick day is ridiculous! Next year I vow to have "just in case" sub plans ready... so that I don't have to do that.

Anyway, I've been tired and feeling gross all month, and I'm not so sure that the medroxy is working. I've had normalish periods (28 days yes, but not as heavy as I would have expected). So I'm not sure it's clearing me out. I just wish she would have done a D&C first before the medroxy... but I wait patiently until mid-March to find out if it's working or not. again *sigh*

Finally ... I've been crying most of the day. I got some pretty hard news related to family. I'm not going to get into it right now because if I do, I'll just end up crying again. I don't want to deal with it, but I have to. Basically I'm sad and I don't know how to deal. *sigh*

How do you deal with all of your IF issues? Lately I've been having a real problem with it. If anyone brings up babies or pregnancy I get depressed - almost immediately. I've been crying so much. I'm losing a LOT of hope and I don't know how to deal anymore. I think it might be time for a therapist.... but that doctor thing that I mentioned earlier - yeah that goes for a therapist too - closest are an hour away and getting time off... well it's really tough.

BIG SIGH.

4 comments:

M

I'm so sorry, Peg. Please know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm just an email away.

How do I deal with my IF issues? I'm not really sure that I do deal with it. At least, not very well. It's become an obsession and I think about it about 100 times a day. (Maybe more.) I'm in therapy, but I have so many issues to deal with, it always seems as my IF doesn't get the attention it needs. I probably need to make that a priority.

I think I also cope by desperately grasping at straws, trying anything and everything (within my budget) to get pregnant: naturopathy, TCM, meditation, supplements, etc. It hasn't been successful so far, but I guess I feel some small amount of control in the situation by doing these things.

I wish I had an easy answer for you. Seeing a doctor and a therapist are definitely good ideas, but I understand how difficult it is for you because of your job and the distance.

*hugs*

MN

Oh, sweetie, it sounds like you are dealing with depression, a nasty and insidious condition which will leach out all joy from your life if you are not careful. You need to see a counselor. Check to see if there are any associated with churches or groups in your area. Even if you have to drive 40 minutes, it might be the absolute best thing for you. I am only an email away and am always willing to "listen." I hope that you start feeling better soon.

ADSchill

I agree with the other ladies. I just started seeing a therapist and I am hoping she can help me sort out some things. Besides that, I find a friend I can talk to and keep busy with projects. I don't give myself too much time to be depressed, but I am sure that it creeps in sometimes.
I'm sorry it's all been so hard lately. I wish I could say more, but I am trying to figure out my loss too and am floundering a bit.
Keep looking for a solution.

Evelyn

I don't think I deal with things well, I just keep it inside and try to process it as best I can. My blog does help a lot. I have the same issue with doctors. Not the difference, I just don't want to explain to my GP that I'm having trouble dealing with things and then have to explain it to a therapist too. Although I'm sure it might help.

I did get a book called "The Grief Recover Handbook" but didn't get through it yet and I also thought about trying online therapy, but was feeling better by the time I thought it might be a good option.

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