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Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Baptism

So hubby and I had a long talk on Sunday night about how if BIL didn't contact us by today, we would not be going to the baby's baptism, even if we were invited.  We just felt that it would be unreasonable to expect us to be at an event only five days away and besides that, it is just wrong to wait to invite your own brother to your baby's baptism until the last minute.

So we had a long talk about how MIL has changed since the baby has come around.  I told hubby that I feel guilty and it's my fault that he's not a father yet.  I feel like MIL has resentment against me because of it.  Don't get me wrong, MIL is not the warmest person in the world - she's been described by her own son as cold.  She's never openly said that she doesn't like me, but it's just a feeling that I have.  I get a strong feeling that she feels I'm not good enough.  I can't figure out why.  I'm kind, honest, intelligent, and generally a good person.  I'm not pretty, I'm not thin, and I think that's part of it.  My MIL is quite superficial.  Anyway, since the niece was born, I feel like there is additional coldness and I feel like she has added resentment because I haven't given her son a child yet.  This is quite funny when you think about it, given that BIL and his wife have been married nearly 15 years and just had their first baby in their 40s.  But apparently I'm a giant loser for not having a baby at 36 after 4 years of marriage.  At least that's the way it's coming across.

So, anyway, after this long discussion on Sunday, hubby tells me on Monday that his phone was apparently not picking up texts and his brother texted him an invite on Sunday night.  So I guess we're going to be going to the baptism, unless the roads don't hold.  We've had a miserable winter and the roads have been horrible - today was solid ice covered with snow - it was pretty hard going to get to work.  So, unless winter rears its ugly head again and we get another storm, we'll be off to church on Sunday.

Here's another question I had, and yes I realise I sound like a bitch on this one.  Who manages to schedule a baptism at a busy church at 10:30 in the morning?  I fear this is going to lead to me having to sit through a church service prior to the baptism.  I know it sounds stupid, but I don't like being tricked into going to to church.  When I started having big IF problems, I started questioning and losing any faith I had (sounds like a topic for another post).  Since then I've only been to church for funerals and weddings.  I know I will just have to suck it up and go, but I hate that I have to go to church and fake it.

So my weekend will end with me having to spend yet another day with everyone fawning over this baby and her parents. Seriously in my husband's family it's like these two just figured out the cure for global warming - they have been made into gods - and it really is getting sickening.  To top it off, we are going to have to make the 2 hour drive that morning, because BIL is staying at the inlaw's house, so we can't.  Why you might ask?  Because we can't leave our dog at home overnight, obviously - we don't have an outdoor space for him - he lives indoors.  We were told that if we brought the dog he would have to stay in the shop for the night - um, no!  We could ask my parents to take him for the night, but I just don't feel right asking them to do it... again.  So we'll just leave early and put in the drive in the morning to get there.  And I guarantee that nobody is going to care that we put in the time or the drive.  *sigh*  We'll see if anyone even acknowledges my presence - it doesn't happen often.

Jealousy?  Perhaps... but come on, it's getting a bit over the top on the worship of these people.

2 comments:

nellskatingontheedge

The whole situation sucks. It sounds like MIL is a real heifer anyway. On one hand I am glad that BIL finally invited you but he really should have thought ahead. Heck I haven't spoken to most of my "nuclear family" in nearly three years, but I would have sent an invite/ note/ email/ something as soon as it was scheduled.

Jenny

Agreed. The two of you should have gotten an invitation as soon as the baptism was scheduled. You're the uncle and aunt, for heaven's sake! But I supposed it isn't too surprising given that they've been really tight-lipped about everything to do with this pregnancy/baby. Weird.

I HATE the whole attitude of "you're nothing until you're a parent." Or until you're married. My immediate family has always been really great about treating everyone equally, but I was invisible to my extended family until I got married. It's even more obvious now that I'm pregnant. For the first time in my life, my grandparents are showing an interest in me, and I'm feeling kind of resentful about that. I'm the same person I was before - I just have a couple more people added to my life. I guess some people really believe that old saying - "you're nobody 'till somebody loves you." So, I share your anger and frustration about that.

Good luck on Sunday. I hope the whole event isn't too unbearable.

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