45

45.

That's how long my last cycle lasted.

This morning around 2 am I noticed AF had arrived. Very light, but according to the ob, any "spot, smudge, smear, drop" counts as the first day of the cycle. She was very clear that if it happened at 11:59:59, then that was CD 1, if it happened at 12:00:00 then you count the new day as your cycle. The woman was actually quite put off that women come to her and say "I spot for two or three days prior to my period"... she said that that is your period. Um, ok.

So, I guess that makes this CD 1 and we start all over again.

I'm not going to lie. I was kinda hoping a bit that the long cycle was due to a pregnancy that just wasn't showing up... but honestly I knew that it wasn't. I didn't have this horrible let down when I saw the blood... I actually said "oh, finally!!".

You know, if I wasn't wanting to get pregnant, I would be thrilled with a long cycle - who doesn't want fewer days of AF in a year?

So, we're back to the beginning.

In a way it's good that it waited. I was to schedule an HSG at the next cycle (for day 7-9), but my ob's office was closed until Monday, so if I would have started my cycle a week ago when I thought it was coming, I would have had to wait until the next cycle to have the HSG done. This way, I can call them on Monday when they open and get it scheduled for next Friday.

Of course, I'm going to freak out all week about having it. I'm not good with pain. I'm terrified of pain. Pain meds don't work well on me. I have a very low tolerance for pain.

People have said to me "well, how are you going to have a baby then". Drugs baby... drugs.

I'm not one of those women who thinks that she needs to be a hero. I figure if I've carried that baby for nearly 10 months and I am going to raise it and would be willing to put my life on the line to protect it, I don't need to go through endless pain to have it. My mother and grandmother both had long long long labours (my mom was about 48 hours with me before they gave her a C-section, and my gramma told me her labour with my mom was about 50 hours). So I'm not thinking that I'll survive the pain that long. I figure that drugs were created for a reason. Thousands of babies are born everyday when the mothers have drugs and they are fine. I trust my doctors and I know that I would be of no use to anyone if I'm in pain - I basically shut down.

So, I figure that the pain of labour is a bit different than all of this. Granted I don't know how painful an HSG is, but I'm hearing a variety of reports. I read one woman's account that it wasn't painful at all, and then she went on to say that her biopsy wasn't painful either. LORD!! my biopsies have been the most painful things that I have ever encountered... excruciating. I think that the people in the waiting room of my ob's office thought I was being tortured. I was crying so hard that I hyperventilated and my contact lense slid under my eyelid (just to make it all worse). I really hope the HSG isn't going to be that bad, but I'm not taking a chance. I'm taking some Ketorolac (I think it's called Tordol in some places) before I go in... it might help to dull the pain... probably not, but it's worth a try. Advil (which I'm allergic to) and Tylenol didn't help with the biopsies, so it's time to bring out the big guns.