Tuesday, 20 December 2011

A Conversation... years in the making

The other day on Facebook I got a note from my cousin asking for my phone number. It was an odd request. I've never had a relationship with my cousin. But we have talked on FB and so I sent it to her. Tonight my phone rings and sure enough, it's her.

A bit of background...

My cousin is the youngest daughter of my father's oldest brother... got all that? Well, my father and his brother had a falling out about forty years ago and until recently didn't talk. I mean they could see each other in the mall and walk right past and not say a word. They hated each other. For that reason, we grew up not really knowing each other. It sucks too, because the more I get to know her, the more I think we could have been great friends. She is six years older than me and the closest girl in age (I'm surrounded by boys in age). My father waited until he was nearly 40 to get married and start having kids (as did one of his other brothers) so there are about six of us who are much younger than the rest of the family. My oldest cousin is 55. My youngest is 31 - big age difference. Anyway, I've never had much to do with this part of the family. About three years ago, I happened to notice my cousin on FB (through another relative), so I added her. We started talking - small comments at first, but eventually having conversations. When I got married I dropped her a message telling her that if she was in the city she should come. She was thrilled - came and had a good time.

Since then we've talked on FB a lot. When she called tonight it was an easy conversation - no awkwardness at all... which is nice. It turns that we have a lot more in common that I would have ever guessed. She has been TTC for about the same amount of time that I have... but she's been at a fertility clinic the whole time. She's frustrated with all the family crap - although my family crap is minor compared to hers. She doesn't even talk to one brother, and the other two have all but disowned her for still talking to her father.

We had a great conversation about all the family crap - and the gossip of her 82 year old father moving his 60 year old girlfriend into the house he shared with her mother before her death. Anyway, we talked about my cousin's partner who is in Afghanistan right now... I pray that he is safe. We talked about her job and my job (me being a teacher and her a social worker, we tend to experience some of the same crap). Plus, the issues of TTC and adoption (they just got on the list officially).

It felt like talking to an old friend. We talked for over two hours, and I honestly think that if I called her tomorrow the same thing would happen. It's like we have 35 years to catch up on, and neither of us wants to hang up. It is nice to have someone that gets it all - the crazy family, the job, the TTC issues, all of it. It just felt so easy.

She said that she was talking to her sister and said that she was going to call me because she was tired of not having a real relationship with her family... good for her. I'm glad that she took the first step. I probably wouldn't have.

On a bit of a funny, and slightly disgusting note... my husband has been complaining about how much his stomach is bugging him tonight. He ate chicken wings for supper. He just came into the room, looking green, and said "I really wish that my mouth and my stomach would come to some sort of agreement on chicken wings". I nearly peed myself laughing.

Finally... I just need to say... this is my 100th post! yay me!



Amazing to hear about your cousin - I suppose thats what family is supposed to be for - to be able to share stuff!


Awesome about your cousin reaching out and your realizing that you have so much in common- the TTC stuff not so awesome of course. Happy 100th post!


I'm glad you and your cousin had such a good talk and that the two of you maintain that connection. :)


Happy 100th. That's really nice about your cousin. Maybe if you had known each other all those years you wouldn't have seen each other the way you are now. In a couple years you'll never know you missed all thos years. Merry Christmas.

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