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Thursday, 15 December 2011

No Tears... Amazing!

A bit of background - I think I've mentioned this before - last year, a girl at my school found out she was pregnant. She was in grade 10. She had the baby in late September. She didn't come back to school this year, because, well, she needs to take care of him. She's actually meant to be a mommy in my opinion. She's incredibly sweet and she's basically been caring for her siblings since her mother walked out when she was five.

Anyway, yesterday, she showed up at school with baby in tow. I saw her down the hall with the carseat, and I paused for a second. I turned and went back to my classroom, thinking "can I handle this". Typically even seeing a baby lately sets me off into tears (tough for Xmas shopping let me tell you). But I got back to my room and amazingly no tears, not even a twinge. In fact, I wanted to see the baby. I was shocked with myself!

Soooo, I left my room and walked back to where she was standing talking to a couple of other students. One of my grade 9s had the baby, so I said to her "ok, you're done, give him up". The girl didn't want to, but the mother said "didn't you hear her, give him to her!!". So I took the baby. As soon as I got him in my arm, he started cooing and sliming me up. Seriously, totally slobbery. I started talking to him and he started smiling at me. He was SOOOO cute!!

I held him for about five minutes, and loved every minute of it. I didn't even get mad when another teacher came by and said "look out, that's contagious". I laughed and said "I'll take my chances" while a third teacher said "ah, but it's a good thing to catch". I handed him back and didn't feel sad at all by the whole experience.

I expected that when I was driving home, alone today as my hubby was away from work, that I would be sad and end up in tears... but I didn't.

Not sure why this didn't bug me. Another Christmas season is here and no baby in sight. I was sure that I would at least be pregnant by this time. Now, we're looking at not even having a baby by next Christmas. Best case scenario, I'm pregnant by then, but that's it. I fully expect Christmas to be tough - I've been a total grinch this holiday season because of it...

but that baby... he made me smile.

3 comments:

M

I had a similar experience the other day when a coworker brought her baby to work. I was amazed that I was able to gush and coo over her without feeling like I was dying inside.

Whatever the reason, I think this is a good sign for both of us.

Evelyn

I like this post. I can't explain it but I think it's a sign of strength and I'm happy for you.

MN

Wow! You are strong. I usually pretend to do ok with my students' children, but there is generally the little spoiled brat inside of me throwing a tantrum. I have though been able to love on the baby of my coworker whom I could hardly look at last school year because of her pregnancy. It is amazing where we find grace, isn't it?

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