Saturday, 24 December 2011

Family Drama

Yes, it's Christmas, and yes that means family... in my family that means drama! Some real, some assumed.

My side of the family is all sorts of messed up. Sometimes they are great, sometimes they are... well... not. I'm not going to get into all the details here right now. It would take too long and I"m not the mood to relive it all right now. It's enough to say that the Christmas season has been rather messed up this year thanks to some less-than-thoughtful actions of certain family members. My mother, in particular, is not sympathetic or helpful on the TTC front at all. She makes a point of talking to me about having kids and I hear from her often "when you have kids", etc. When I try to talk to her about the medical issues or tests, she changes the topic - usually to talk about my niece or nephew. It hurts. It hurts especially since it took her two years to conceive me and she should get it. But that's a whole other story for another day. I have hubby agreeing at this point that if my mother says anything about babies or us having kids, I will leave the room and he will tell her how inappropriate it is given our problems TTC and my medical issues. He wants to just kick her out, but I don't want to ruin the entire day for everyone because of an issue that I have. But I digress....

Typically, time with my in-laws is fairly easy. They mostly keep to themselves. We stay at their place, maybe have a meal or two with them, and go about our own ways. Mostly it's because they both have very demanding jobs which require them to be on-call or out-of-town for the weekends, or all week leaving only the weekend for stuff around the house, etc. So they are busy. Except at Christmas when it's a bit bizarre.

Each Christmas we have spent with them involves a lot of sitting around, reading, not much else going on. My family is pretty social and we find stuff to do together - it probably helps that there are little kids on my side of the family which makes Christmas a bit different. But it's really mellow here.

The perceived (or real) drama here is with my brother-in-law. Put plainly, he's an ass! No better way to say it. He's the centre of his universe and nobody else knows anything or is capable of anything. I really hate spending time with him. He comes around for about three hours on Christmas Day each year - and sometimes we have to see him once or twice the rest of the year... thankfully it's never for a long time.

So here is my fear that always comes up around family gatherings with my in-laws. My brother-in-law is 36 and his wife is 40. They have no kids, but she has given the impression that she wants them - he on the other hand has not. I'm not close enough to my sister-in-law to ask her if they are TTC or not. I wouldn't dream of asking something like that - it's just too personal. And my mother-in-law is not one to pry, so she has no idea. So my fear is always that they are going to announce that they are expecting. Every family gathering, I have a horrible feeling that they are going to announce. Every time. It's probably ridiculous as I'm sure that my brother-in-law doesn't want children at all, but I worry none-the-less.

I should be happy for my sister-in-law if they are expecting. If she truly wants children, if she can get pregnant at 40, I should happy. Besides, it would be a new baby in the family which would be great. But in my head I have the "boo hoo, poor me" thing going on.

I know it's not right, but that's just where I am with it. I guess we'll find out tomorrow afternoon.



I know what you mean about the 'fear'. I have several cousins much younger than me who are married and don't yet have kids and each time their name comes up in a conversation my stomach tenses up since I am expecting to hear they are pregant. Its so ridiculous to feel that way, but I cannot help it. So, you are not alone.


I have nephews who have children. I also live in the fear that someone will "share" their news. Unfortunately it's a part of our life. :-( I hope the holidays are peaceful and BIL behaves.


You were not the only one with family drama this year. I too experienced it with the in-laws and just felt like getting the hell out of there.
I just wanted a calm and quiet Christmas this year...
At least it's over.

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