The Results are In...

Well, I just got a call from Dr. B - my OB/GYN. She finally got the report back from the second opinion on the pathology of my biopsy. It's not good.

Complex Hyperplasia with Atypia.

That's right. If you've been around my blog for a bit, you might recognize those words. That is the exact diagnosis I got in December 2010. What a cluster-fuck (excuse my language).

Let's review, shall we...

In December 2010, I get a biopsy which reveals that I have complex hyperplasia with atypia (basically one step down from cancer). I got to an oncologist who makes it his goal to try to convince me that I need a hysterectomy - which I fight every step of the way. In January I get a D&C and start provera to control the hyperplasia. In March 2011, I have a follow-up biopsy and get the all clear - everything is normal down there.

Then I wait... and wait... and wait... to see the ob/gyn and am unmedicated for several cycles... cycles which were extremely long by the way.

Finally get in to see the ob/gyn and she does more painful tests and starts me on clomid and hcg trigger, only to have that cycle fail and a followup biopsy reveals exactly what I was dealing with a year before.

Seriously! Did I just blink and lose a year?? Apparently so. I'm one year older, still no baby, and back in a pre-cancerous state all because I have no control over wait times? This is just such bullshit!

So, now I'm waiting for the oncologist's office to open so that I can get an appointment set up with him. The ob/gyn said she talked with him already and that she is working up a letter to send to him so that he can get me in again, but screw waiting. I'm going to call and set up an appointment myself. I just saw him a year ago and I should still be on his patient list.

I guess the one positive to come out of all of this is that the ob/gyn said that the oncologist suggested that they send me to the IF clinic in the big city. I was going to ask for a referral there, but I'd heard of the ob/gyn being hesitant to send people... so I was a bit afraid but determined to ask when she called again. She brought it up and said that she thought that it was a great idea because there has to be something more that is going on and it needs to be figured out. She said that they might say that I shouldn't be getting pregnant at all, but good luck convincing me of that. Either way, she said that they will run their tests and do their thing and come up with a much better plan for me than she is capable of figuring out.

I'm good with that. The IF centre has the only RE in the province working there and they are the only place who does IVF. DH and I were discussing the possibility of IVF this morning after she called. He thinks that we can swing it. It should only be about $4500 and depending on what needs to be done and the drugs are between 2000 & 6000, but I am covered for up to $5000 on my drug plan, so there's that. He thinks that we can either bump up our mortgage, get a simple line of credit, or ask his parents for the money (they have too much money and are always looking for ways to spend it - as in, buy a $300 purse and then decide it's the wrong colour so give it away... but that's another story). So he thinks that we could make it happen.

I am, naturally, not as optimistic.

Right now I'm sitting in my living room, crying, while DH is downstairs watching tv. I got really quiet and he said "ok, going to watch tv now", and left. And I started bawling.

Why don't they get it? why?

And why is my life such a clusterfuck!?