Friday, 27 April 2012

Shoot me now

Ok, so it's been a little while. I don't really know what to put in this post. I guess I will bullet post to get it all out. Before I start, I just want to let everyone know that I"m kinda in a fragile place and in no way am I trying to make people feel bad, etc. I'm just where I am right now...

  •  Good news first... our drama group won the runner up prize for best overall play, runner up for best technical performance, and one of our actors got best actor of the festival. So that was good - lots of hard work, but they put in an amazing performance. I couldn't have asked for better! I love those kids. 
  •  There has been a bit of stress at work in the past couple of days. I'm not going to give much detail, but one of the seniors was arrested on weapons charges. Yes he had a weapon, but it is a bogus charge for many reasons... part of which is that he was defending himself against a crazy-ass ex-girlfriend. Sufficed to say, all the senior class is up in arms over this and worried that their grad might be in jeopardy from her actions. 
  • I had a coworker insinuate today that I don't control my students. Four of my homeroom girls weren't where they should have been after the bell. I walked into my room to find them there when they should have been in study hall. I sent them on their way, and the other teacher made a comment about how "her" kids would never do that. I call bullshit! I regularly send her students to their classes or they show up late to mine. We just changed bell schedules (and have two sets of bells running) this past week and three of the girls are new to the school (in the last two months) so aren't familiar with the system. It really pissed me off!
  •  This week has been tough in TTC land for me. I have seen eight bloggers that I follow get BFP and one woman in a FB group I'm part of. Don't get me wrong - I'm so happy that they have finally gotten a BFP, but accompanied with the rest of the TTC shit that I'm dealing with right now... well, it's made me pretty despondent. I'm stuck in self-pity mode of "why not me".
  •  Next week marks 3 years of trying for us. I can't believe it! THREE! I expected to be trying for number two by now... not wondering if number one would ever come. sigh.
  •  I still don't have an appointment with the oncologist. After they avoided my calls for two weeks and never returned my emails, I went to the office on Wednesday. They said that they just got the referral the day before and that they would find a time and call me. They called that afternoon and told me that he could see me at 2 pm on May 4th. That was the only time, otherwise I'd have to wait until June. JUNE! Well, May 4th is the day of my uncle's memorial, and it's out-of-province, so guess who is not taking that oncology appointment. I tried to call the Cancer Centre that he works out of and they said that he can't see me there because "you don't have cancer". My response was that if someone doesn't do something to get me in to see this guy, I would be seeing him there. And let me tell you, if all this run around is going to be the cause of me getting cancer... I will be suing someone's ass off!! And that's strong language... Canadians don't sue. LOL. 
  •  As of today, still not word from the oncologist. The Cancer Centre was going to leave him a message to call me or refer me to someone else because I "didn't want to wait" until June. It's not that I don't WANT to wait... it's that I would really like to save my damned uterus. I often wonder if the people working in these places have any fucking clue what they are saying. So far, he hasn't called me. 
  •  Good news - I got a letter from the fertility clinic. I'm in with the head doctor - the only one who does IVF in this province. Bad news - she has a 6 month waiting list. BUT... they put me on the cancellation list so I may get in sooner than that. Worst case, I should be in by October. Hell, by the time anyone sees me, either my uterus will be useless or my ovaries will have dried up. 

 Well, that's my update. My hubby is gone for a couple of days, leaving me in a very yucky emotional state and all alone... and I didn't buy nearly enough chocolate to get me through it.




If you don't want to be alone right now, you're more than welcome to come spend some time with Skylar and I today. Just text or call if you want some company.

I'm really hoping you can get in on a cancellation at the clinic very soon. Maybe they can refer you to an oncologist up there instead of you waiting around forever for your old one.


I could just smack the whole oncologist's office for you! Of course I am still pissed (and I hate that word) at your other doctor's office for letting you wait so long any way. Be gentle with yourself about your feelings over the BFP's. You have the complete right to feel frustrated and upset. It is where you are at right now. It doesn't do any good to ignore your feelings. As for the snarky other teacher, ignore her. Usually when someone feels the need to make comments like that, it is because of jealousy or insecurity or because they are not happy and can not allow anyone else to be happy. You are a wonderful teacher!!!! You make a difference in those kids' lives. So ignore the old biddy. Lots of love


I'm sorry Peg. I know your health and fertility have been such a stresser for you recently and I wish it could be different. Please try to be good and gentle with yourself. try your best to see the good outside of the bad. I know it's hard...I have trouble with that a lot. But we have to live our lives separate from IF or we'll go insane.
I wish you a speedy appointment and some luck. Thinking of you.


I wish we were neighbours so we could hang out together while hubby is away. That's the thing that kind of sucks about blog friendships, they really don't help when you really need to be talking to someone in real life.

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