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Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Going to Cry Now

Well the appointment with the oncologist did not go well today.  I'm so sick of this bullshit.  I'm sorry, but I am.  I'm tired of being pushed around and left hanging by the medical community.

Basically, she said that the standard treatment for hyperplasia is very high doses of progesterone taken continuously for at least 6 months.  During that time, she wants to do biopsies at 3 and 6 months.  If the biopsy comes back clear at 3 months, we still do the additional 3 months of progesterone.  If it doesn't, we continue continue the progesterone and test again at 6 months, etc.  Basically, stay on the progesterone until we get a clear biopsy, then continue the progesterone for 3 more months after that.  THEN she wants two more 3 month biopsies without medication to come back clear before she clears us to TTC again.  Which means best-case scenario, we're looking at one year from now.

She did say that if the RE says that is ok doing fertility treatments on me after the initial three or six months, that she (the oncologist) will give her blessing.  She said her job is obviously to fix the cancer problem, and help preserve survival, not fertility, but she understood that I want to preserve that, so is willing to work with me on that.

I asked why this wasn't done last year with the other oncologist.  She said, "well, your hyperplasia was simple then".  I corrected her and told her that it was exactly the same as now.  She was shocked.  I'm wondering if I should lodge a complaint against the other oncologist for lacking to give me standard care in this case.  If he would have done standard care, we would be clear to TTC now.  I'm just so pissed off.

I spent the better part of the day crying in my car -since I was in the city.  I had to run out of Walmart in tears at one point.

To top off my fantastic day, my SIL called and my brother is in a hissy fit over an argument we had when he was drunk and I was sick of his shit.  He doesn't remember what happened other than I called him a name and now he's pissed.  His solution is to not talk to me and not let me see his kids.  They are the one thing that makes me happy and he knows that.  He's uncomfortable with the infertility and is apparently worried about "setting me off" and feels he has to "be on pins and needles" around me.  I foudn this out when my hubby called him tonight to confront him on his bullshit.  I find this to be so incredibly unfair of him.  When they were experiencing all their miscarriages, I was there, keeping them company, talking about it if they needed to.  As recently as February, when they miscarried again... I spent hours on the phone crying and talking with my SIL... but apparently, I don't deserve the same kind of respect.

So that set off another ugly cry.

So, I was suppose to be on 160 mg of Megace per day, but apparently no drug store in the city carries it.  So I went with the second option - 200 mg of Provera per day.  I've been on 10 mg per day on CD 10-24 and it brings on headaches and rage... I can only imagine what 200 mg is going to do.  This will not be pleasant people.  Not. Pleasant. At. All.

All I know is that it is enough already.  I can't take any more.  I can't keep doing this.  I'm at the end of my rope... I don't have any more emotional reserves left.  Knowing that we're going to hit four years of TTC without a baby, well it's just too much to bear. :(

Going to cry now.

9 comments:

EmHart

My heart aches that you are facing this at the moment. I am so sorry. I am thinking of you and sending love x x x

MN

Peg, honey, I am SO SO sorry! It really sucks that the other doc didn't do what he was supposed to do and you're having to suffer for it. I'm glad this doctor was able to get you in to see her.

Can one of the pharmacies order the Megace for the other months? Surely switching between the two wouldn't be that hard if you can just get someone to provide it. I am thinking of you and sending you a giant cyber hug.

peg

yes, the pharmacy said that they would order some in, but to give them about a week's notice of when I want it so that they can make sure it's there. As it was, I emptied them out of Provera as they only carry 10 mg tablets and I need to take 200 mg per day. I took all 172 tablets they have and have to go back next week to get the rest - they had just enough to keep me going until the day that I'm in next week. What a pain in the ass

Toni Rapp

What a hit. I am so very sorry for what you are going through now. Im sure your oncologist is trying to do the best thing but that sure doesnt help when you are wanting to move forward with the RE.

Jenny

I found an article I'm going to send to you. Based on what this article says, I don't agree with your oncologist's timeframe:

"All patients but two, treated by repeat dilatation and
curettage only, were given progestogen therapy. Megestrol
acetate and MPA were the most frequently used drugs with
doses ranging from 80 mg/d to 160 mg/d (MA) and from 200
mg/d to 800 mg/d (MPA). The duration of hormonal therapy
ranged from 2 months to 6 years. Most investigators treated
patients for 3 to 6 months before allowing pregnancy to be
attempted."

Three to six months before allowing patients to try to get pregnant - not twelve to eighteen! I have a feeling the RE won't want to make you wait so long.

As for your first oncologist...I really think you need to report him. He really dropped the ball with you and he shouldn't be allowed to do that to anyone else.

And your brother needs to grow the eff up.

*hugs*

ADSchill

What a shit storm. I am just so sorry. I would talk to your RE and have him/her work with this oncologist to get you going as soon as possible. I know this is a huge hit for you, along with the family issues, but you will get through this. Tackle this hyperplasia head on and then advocate for fertility treatments asap.

You can do this hon.

A Shadow of My Former Self

How frustrating! I am so angry with the first oncologist. Doesn't seem like you were given competent care. I also feel this second oncologist should work with the RE so you can move forward as soon as possible. I went through treatment as well and my onc. and the RE communicated with each other, one even mentioning that in the "simple" stage, conceiving might still be possible. I hope you can get back on track in 3 months. Will you have 3 month biopsies so you can at least know if things are moving in the right direction? Again, I am sorry you're going through such a rough time.

Jess

I am so sorry--how frustrating and infuriating to have infertility compounded by cancer, and to have more waiting time. I feel for you and hope you can be cleared sooner than later. Hugs to you at this rough time!

Evelyn

I'm sorry to hear this. Hang in there.

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