Holy Update Batman

So, what’s new?  Well, where do I start…

We went out to Calgary for my uncle’s funeral.  It was nice to see family again – I just wish it was under better circumstances.  There were only a couple of questions about us having kids, and the response of “eventually” was enough to hold them off.  Well, all except one…

Once upon a time there was this asshole.  He is my uncle.  I was raised to hate him.  I know it’s not right, but he cheated my father out of tens of thousands of dollars long before I was born – didn’t pay him for work, stole land, stole cattle, etc – so my father refused to speak to him for the entirety of my childhood.  Since I’ve been an adult, I’ve run into him at family functions.  This guy is such a jerk that at my brother’s wedding, he actually went up to one of the bridesmaids who had a tattoo on her chest and poked it saying “what’s this”.  Creep!  Anyway, he has no filter and thinks that everyone should bow to him.  Do you hate him enough now?  Well, he turned, point-blank, to my 54-year-old cousin who is unmarried and doesn’t have kids, and said “so, why aren’t you married… why didn’t you ever get married”.  Her response was perfect … “honestly, I never saw it as a priority for me.  It wasn’t something that I needed in my life”.  She looked at me and I smiled in a reassuring way.  Instead of responding to her, he looked at me and said “so, is THAT the reason YOU don’t have kids”.  I responded with “no, actually the reason is none of your fucking business”.  At that point, my father – who was sitting a couple of chairs from me – changed the subject to politics… a much less hostile subject.  Short of that, it was good.  Even being around my pregnant cousin wasn’t horrible.  I wouldn’t be able to be around her all the time, but it wasn’t horrible.  And it was a bonus that I had my niece and nephew hanging off of me, so that occupied me, and I do them dearly!

At one point, my niece said that she wanted to go into the house with me (keep in mind that she’s three).  So we went.  She plopped on a chair and said “sit down auntie.  I wanna talk”.  So I sat down.  She looks at me all serious and said “we were in the car long to get here”.  I told her that I knew that and asked if she saw any dinosaurs on the trip (they drove through Drumheller on the way – if you don’t know what this has to do with dinosaurs, look it up… seriously).  She just looked at me and said…

“no, no dinosaurs.  I saw fishies.  In the car.  On the tv.  There were fishies.  I like fishies.  I like kitties more.  Mommy likes kitties.  Brother likes kitties. Daddy doesn’t like kitties.  Daddy likes puppies.  I don’t like puppies.  Brother doesn’t like puppies.  But I like kitties.  I like your kitty.  Does your kitty like me?  I like your kitty.  I miss your kitty.  I gonna come and play with your kitty in summer.  Ok?  I like kitties.  Your kitty played with me.  And I like kitties”. 

This was all followed up by a giant sigh.  Then she kicked her legs a few times and said “ok, time to go back outside”.  It was very adorable.  That child is so cute that my uterus aches every time I see her.

It was a very long weekend and on the way home we stopped to see another one of my uncles who is not in good health.  He was the one who my dad was the closest to growing up.  They farmed together as young men, and took care of their mother together when their father died.  He is the uncle that I was the closest too.  It bothered me when my uncle in Calgary died but when this other uncle dies I’m going to be devastated – he was a second father to me.  Anyway, his health is failing and he recently had to go into a nursing home.  He was upset that he couldn’t go to the funeral, but we gave him a good run down of what happened and he and my dad talked for nearly two hours and he was feeling better about the whole situation.  By the time I got home it was 11 pm on Saturday night… we had left home at 7 am on Thursday morning.  Very long weekend!

I went to an infertility support group on Tuesday night.  It was really good.  I was terrified to go, but I had a good friend to come along, and I found it really helpful.  Just knowing that others can really get what you are saying… and being able to say it to their faces.  It was reassuring and validating.  I felt like my story is the craziest one there by far – but then who doesn’t feel that way sometimes.  It was just nice to know that these people got me… completely.

On Wednesday I went to the naturopath.  Oh boy – this might really kill me.  Besides being completely shocked by my story, she felt that I was in insulin resistance from wheat overload.  She recommended a book to me and told me that her plan for me was to eliminate cola (I’m a bit of an addict), wheat (this could be tough) and sugar (just kill me now).  She said that the cola is just bad for so many reasons.  I don’t want to quit, but I already knew I would when I was pregnant, so why not now.  The wheat is tough – I love my carbs.  The book she recommended is quite good and has a lot of alternatives.  There is no limit to nuts, cheese, good fats in general, in fact it says you should eat lots of nuts to help balance out the system.  I actually found an interesting wheat free bread recipe online – I’m going to try in a couple of weeks and see if it will work.  If I can find a way to still have bread/buns, I will be fine.  I found brown rice pasta which isn’t too bad actually, so I’m good with that.  So it’s just the bread.  The sugar might kill me though.  I’m not to add sugar to anything, and buy products with the least sugar possible.  I actually managed today – I used plain yogurt, threw in some fresh strawberries, a teaspoon of vanilla, and a packet of stevia (which she said was fine for sweetening).  I added hemp hearts before I ate it and it was actually really good.  The book has opened my eyes to a lot of stuff so far (and I’m only two chapters in).  I’ll have to give it a full review when I’m finished.

She also gave me a calcium/magnesium powder to take before bed.  She said it will help with sleeping and help to curb the cravings for chocolate (yeah right… has she met me?).  She said chocolate cravings were a sign of magnesium deficiency.  She warned me that it’s fizzy and really sour so just to pound it back.  I was worried, but the fizz is good – I miss that with the cola gone… and I love love sour.  It tastes like a fresh lemon with fizz… and I usually just peel and eat lemons.  So, that I can handle.

Lastly, but definitely not leastly (yeah yeah I know)… I got an appointment with an oncologist.  Apparently my ob/gyn called the woman who is covering for my oncologist and told her the story.  She said she’d fit me in next week.  So I have an appointment for Tuesday afternoon.  I also had a very nice message on my answering machine from the new doctor apologizing that her colleague failed to see me in a timely manner, but she hoped this would make up for it.  I hope that it does and that this time something happens to fix this problem.

I just want to feel normal and be healthy, so that we can get back on the TTC wagon for real!!