Big Day Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my first appointment with an RE.  It takes a lot to get into one of them in this province.  There are only about three in the province and in order to get in to one you have to be referred by another specialist.  In this province, an Ob/gyn is considered a specialist. Most people just go to their GPs for pregnancy and woman related issues.  For me, it was a double referral.  The ob/gyn  and the oncologist both referred me to the clinic saying that this recurrence of the hyperplasia was not normal and that I should be ovulating given all of my blood tests.  I should have waited until September/October to get in as there is a long waiting list, but thankfully there was a cancellation and I got it.  I'm choosing to believe that someone cancelled because they had a successful pregnancy, not for other, less happy, reasons.

So, tomorrow we're off to the RE.  Hubby is a bit nervous about giving his "sample".  It has to be better than when he had to give one for the ob/gyn's records and he was given a cup in the hospital and told to fill it.  Where you might ask?  Find a bathroom he was told.  So that was fun for him - people walking by, standing outside waiting, etc.  Hopefully this is a bit more discrete given that it's an actual fertility clinic... hopefully.  Although I'm not holding out hope.

So I'm worried that the RE will discover something new and inhibiting to the conception.  Like there isn't enough already!  I am worried about what they are going to say about my weight.  All I have to come back with is that I know I have to lose weight and that the grand total since May 10th is 33 lbs.  That's a good start - they have to be happy with that ... right?  I know it's not enough, but it's a start.  Another 40 lbs will put me within their BMI suggestions (I was told it was only a suggestion and they are willing to work with women over the BMI as long as everything else is healthy - and lord knows every other test I have shows I'm healthy).

I don't know what to expect at all from this appointment - I don't know what to expect from them regarding tests, etc.  My biggest fear at this point is that they do an ultrasound and my lining is still really messed up.  I've been on the drugs for six weeks and I'm hoping that it's starting to improve - although I"m not sure how it can when I haven't bled at all - not even a spot - so I would guess that the lining is still there.

No, wait, my biggest fear is that they will want to repeat the HSG since it was about a year ago.  I can't handle another one of those.  Worst. Pain. Ever.  Seriously!  I've never experienced pain so bad that I wanted to just die and I"ve broken an ankle and had a boil growing on my eardrum (yes, you read that right... good times, good times)... not to mention the 10 bouts of pneumonia that I've dealt with.  Nothing compares to the HSG.  I'm terrified they will want to repeat it.  This time I know what to expect and I'm not doing it without some serious drugs... It's not fair that women in the states are offered drugs for simple biopsies and we are told to take ibuprofen (I'm allergic by the way and aceteminophen does nothing for that area).

Who know what will happen.  Hubby has his appointment at 10:30 and mine is at 2:00.

My hope is that we can come up with a plan that will work for us and we can plan out what our TTC future looks like.  I know with the hyperplasia it's tough to come up with a plan.  I just need something to focus on. I'm one of the lucky ones who ovulated on 50 mg of Clomid with a 5000 trigger, so at least I don't have to stair step or take a stupid amount of drugs - or injectibles... at least not yet.  The one month that I was on Clomid I had a beautiful follicle on CD 11, triggered on 12, and ovulated on 13.  Perfect timing, but nothing caught.  The ob/gyn thought that it was likely because my lining was messed up - she compared it to the ceiling of a  cave - said that nothing could grab on there because it was too uneven.  *sigh*

I just need something to go right.  I hope the RE has good news for us... at least something to keep us hopeful, because right now, nothing much seems hopeful. :(