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Saturday, 2 June 2012

A New Way of Thinking?

So I saw the therapist the other night.  Part of me liked her and part of me was thinking "what the hell are you on?"  She was acting for part of it like I should just give up my life to a higher power and should just be positive about it all.  Yeah, right, I'm not naturally positive, so that's not going to happen.  I eventually said that my husband is the eternal optimist, but I"m not.  She was quick to say that she didn't want me to think that she meant that I had to be PollyAnna, just that if I was going to get through this, to be willing to challenge the thoughts and patterns in my head.  She said it was fine to cry and scream and get mad, but if I put all my energy into being mad and sad, etc, then I'm not putting any energy into fixing the problem.  I need to focus the majority of energy into "finding my baby".  She said that my baby is out there somewhere and I have to actively look for it.

I went home to tell my husband about this and he, of course, took to it right away.  The next time we were out and there were babies everywhere I mentioned it to him.  His response... "well, they just found their babies earlier than we did, we'll find ours".  I'm still struggling with the idea and the whole process is going to be hard to transform my brain and thinking in that way.  She says that anger, fear, and sorrow are primitive brain functions and we need to override them with higher brain functions... so thought and challenge.

I'm trying, I really am.

We made a final decision on the adoption.  We are putting in the domestic application - which I remind you could take up to 13 years for a newborn.  We're going to put it in and see how it plays out.  Next week I'm contacting the Ministry of Social Services to get started on international adoption.  We have to first get approved by the ministry, and then can start up with an agency in another country.  It shouldn't take long to get approved here - the homestudy process will take about 3 months when you're paying for it, then you do up your dossier and then go live with the agency.  We're looking at adoption from Florida.  We have a friend who just adopted from there, and another friend who has just had his profile go live... both using the same agency, so that's the one we decided to go through.  The great thing about a Florida adoption is that it is still international but it's doable in terms of travel, accomodations, etc.  The cost is still 25,000-40,000, but you get to leave the hospital with your newborn baby and only have to stay in the state for a week after you take guardianship.   All of those seemed like big pros to us.  The other big thing was that after your profile goes live (about 4-6 months from the start of the process), it is from 6-18 months until you're matched.  They said it's really rare for people to stay on the list for more than 18 months... particularly white, married couples, with good income and their own homes.  The agency said that the majority of their mothers average in age around 25 years old and most want a home in a spacious area (hello, rural Saskatchewan) and a couple who can provide for the child... and anyone with a combined income over $30,000 is considered wealthy by their standards... we well surpass that.

So that gives me hope.  The idea that within two years we could have our baby in our arms... it seems unreal, but I really hope it's true.

In the meantime....

We're going to add another fur-baby to our brood.  This time, it's a dog!

We went today to look at some puppies, but we would have had to take them today and we're not set up for a dog right now... we were hoping to wait until closer to the end of the month.  There is another litter of pups available on the 15th of June, so we're looking at those ones.

Here are the pics of the dogs that we're considering... what do you think?? All three are from the same litter and all three are female...






4 comments:

Evelyn

Those puppies are sweet. I think it'll be hard picking just one.

Excellent on the adoption front.

Jenny

I'm with you about the struggle to be optimistic. I'm not naturally an optimistic person and after so much failure, it's even harder to let go of the negativity.

Very exciting news about the adoption! I hope the process moves along quickly and smoothly.

The puppies are soooooo cute! Can't you take all of them? ;)

Maria

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MN

Cute pups- all of them but the little furball on the steps is adorable!!! OOOps I better type that quietly before the Diva hears me.

I completely understand the struggle of thinking positively. I like to think I am a positive person and then things show me otherwise.

Awesome for pursuing all the adoption options. :-)

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