The Lonely Day

It was a lonely day. Well ok, it was a busy day... But still lonely.

My dad came over in the morning to till up my garden so I spent a bunch of time doing forced labour in the yard. I cleaned our driveway with our new pressure washer... It certainly is shiny clean now. I spent time playing fetch with the dog, and cleaned out his pool and refilled it. (Yes my dog has his own pool)

But despite everything the day was lonely. I was not alone. My husband was there. My father came over. The dog followed me everywhere. But the day was lonely.

Mother's Day. The worst day of the year for an infertile. Everyone is celebrating the one thing you don't or can't have. It just plain out sucks. I did manage to get through the day without crying which was a surprise. Then again, I'm pretty much numb and without emotion at this point.

But the day felt lonely. I felt abandoned. Only one of my friends thought to tell me that they were thinking of me. Everyone else went about their business, posting all their joys to FB, enjoying the day set out to value something I can't attain.

Don't get me wrong. I don't expect people to drop everything and fawn over me on a day which should be a celebration, BUT given that they know my struggles and how much becoming a mother means to me... I would have thought that a simple "hug" or "thinking of you" wouldn't have been too much to ask for.

Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised given some of the thigh some of them have said about our struggles, but I guess I expected more.

Sigh