Yup, I was right.

I did ovulate.

I went for my follow-up ultrasound today and they said it was clear that I had ovulated - no follicle left. YAY!!! So at least that went the way it was supposed to.

Since the last ultrasound, I've had a nagging worry about my lining. Particularly when I asked the tech how it was and she said "fine, it looks good". So I asked again at the end of this test. The girl said it was 2.3 cm. HOLY SHIT! When I had to have the D&C it was 2.7. That really worries me. It is supposed to be between 6-10 mm and it is 23!!! I immediately freaked out about the hyperplasia returning and worried that if it was this might be our only chance, etc. I held it together til I got to the car, then I panicked and cried uncontrollably for 10 minutes!

I know that there is a good chance that this thickened lining is just the anovulatory cycles that have built up. Because I haven't been ovulating, my period is something more like four days of spotting, or VERY light bleeding. So I"m guessing that the lining hasn't been able to fully shed because my body hasn't told it to. There is a difference between that and pre-cancerous cells growing in there... but I still panicked. I also realise that if this cycle doesn't take and I'm not pregnant, that it's likely that my body will shed the lining in preparation of the next cycle. So not all is lost. The tech didn't seem concerned, but then she was 12!

If this cycle takes, great. If it doesn't and I don't have a normal period, then I will go back to the OB/GYN to make sure that I"m not in a situation of hyperplasia again. If I get a normal period, then I'll just go on with the next cycle without (too much) worry.

Right now I just want to curl up on the couch all weekend and watch a movie/read a book, but I can't. I have to take my volleyball team to the city for a big tournament in which they will get their asses handed to them. I love those girls, but, honestly, they aren't very good. They try hard, but they just aren't there. Oh well. I know they will have a great time - I'm just not feeling like being around people, and we are staying overnight - so sleeping on the floor of a hotel room while four giggly girls refused to sleep - not my idea of a good time. Wish me luck!

All Systems Go.

So, I was walking down the hall today at work and felt this massive stabbing pain in my ovarian region - left side. It must have been the moment of ovulation. I haven't had pains that localized or specific there before. I got home after work and took another OPK which was negative. My temp dropped this morning too. All signs point to ovulation - even the Taking Charge of Your Fertility software is telling me that I probably ovulated today.

YAY.

Now let's just hope that that left tube was indeed just spasming and not blocked, and that some of hubby's swimmers are lurking around in the shadows waiting to pounce. LOL.

Smiley Face!

So I managed to get the HCG shot today. I had to drive to the town two towns over this morning to get it. My principal was awesome about it all. All I told him was that after the medical tests that I had on Monday, I had to go get an injection today, so could I skip out for an hour during my prep time. He said yes without so much of a hesitation. Thank god! Today he didn't even ask me anything about it... I feel kinda bad because I worry that maybe he thinks this is the cancer follow up after last year's scare, but right now it is keeping him from asking me too many questions. I still feel guilty about it though. Hopefully in a couple of months I can put all that to rest when I tell them about being pregnant... hopefully.

So, after a long evening of volleyball with my team, I went home and took an OPK. It came back with a big smiley face. After more than 18 months worth of ovulation predictors and fertility predictors all telling me that I was a failure, it was nice to see a smiley face! So, according to the OPK that means that I should ovulate within the next 24 hours. YAY!

Friday I get a follow-up ultrasound to see if I did ovulate, but I plan on continuing to take the OPKs until they come back negative now... just to make sure.

So, yeah, smiley face on the stick and smiley face on me!

One is all you need... right???

First follicle tracking ultrasound today. Got there with a sense of dread hanging over me...

what if there is nothing there? What if I waited so long for the last cycle and nothing happened this cycle? What if all the pangs and twinges that I've been feeling are psychosomatic.

Well, apparently there was nothing worry about because there is ONE good follicle. 18 mm. They said that the lining was "good" (whatever the hell that means - by the time I asked, she didn't remember the number). She said that there were several smaller follicles, but nothing worth noting, but that the 18 mm one looked good and I was advised to do the HCG trigger tomorrow.

So, I left happy but frustrated and sad at the same time. Part of me really wanted two or three follicles - hoping that more follicles meant a better chance, but I know, logically, it only takes one good follicle to release a good egg to become a baby. The biggest frustration is with my schedule right now.

I have to get the trigger shot tomorrow, but my doctors are all in the city over an hour away and I have to work tomorrow, AND there is no health centre where I work, AND I have volleyball after school so the chance of being able to do the shot seemed slim to none. I talked with the pharmacist about the idea of waiting until Wednesday to do the shot. Part of me thinks that it will be easier with my schedule, but also maybe give those other follicles a chance to catch up. He said it isn't a good idea because they usually suggest the shot based on a specific timeline and he wouldn't mess with that - but that I could call and ask my doctor or the radiologist... yeah, right, what's the chance of that happening!

So, I cried on and off all the way home.

I got home and I called the little 15 bed nursing home in the town near where I work. They said that they can't give the shot without an order from my doctor (who is on leave at the moment I believe, and even if she isn't, she's going to be pissed about having to write an order when she's already given the prescription and she's tough to get in contact with). OR they could put me in to see the doctor who travels through and I could explain my situation to him and he would write and order for one of the nurses to give me the shot. I reluctantly took that option. I called my boss and asked if it was ok if I skipped out during my prep period to do this. He didn't even hesitate - just said, "yep, just tell the secretary you're gone in case someone is looking for you." God, I love him! Anyway, I took the appointment, so at about 10:30 tomorrow morning I should be triggered. One healthy, good looking follicle being told tomorrow to get off it's lazy kiester and spit out an egg.

Fingers crossed that this works and that next July there is a baby to show for it.

Please please please let this work.

The bitch is back

WARNING: This post contains copious quantities of bitchiness. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Yeah, I don't know if it was the Clomid, or just my personality coming through, or the lack of sleep, or the lack of caffeine throughout the day, but I was a total bitch... ALL DAY!!

I don't know why. I woke up late and the day went from there... straight downhill.

Last night, about 2 am, my husband grabbed his pillows and tucked me in, and I saw him walking out of the room. Apparently I was having a series of bad dreams or something because I was practically yelling in my dreams. That might explain why I was so tired!

Anyway, my day started out with the class that I"m not fond of. They need hand-holding to the greatest extent and it bugs me - I don't want to teach that age group. I try hard to stay positive with them, but then end up grumpy after my class is over :( Most of my classes went pretty well all day, but at breaks it was a bit of a mess. The majority of my coworkers are stressed and seem to need a break. How long til the next long weekend? Wait... we just had one! damn!

After school was a volleyball game. One of my players gave me attitude on the court, and then expected me to give her full playing time. When she didn't get it, she stormed out and decided that she didn't need to tell me that she was going home. She said that I was "harshing her positivity". Funny how the rest of the team had no problem with it. The guy we had reffing was all sorts of fun. He calls tough, which is ok, but then after each game he tells me what my girls did wrong... in detail. Today it was even that I wasn't sitting in the right place on the bench! COME ON!! We're a high school team - we're not the pros. Then he claims that he's just "educating". Well he can take his education and... oh never mind.

So I ended up coming home in a really pissy mood! I'm exhausted and need to sleep, but I have to be up and on the road by 7 tomorrow so that I can spend the day at a PD. Then Friday is a division wide PD day, and then Friday night another volleyball tournament, followed by all day Saturday at the same tournament. Long days.

The upside... on Sunday I'm going to a bridal show with one of my closest friends!! I'm so looking forward to this - focusing on someone's joy and happiness, and to get all excited about he wedding stuff. It should be a fun girl's day. This is a friend who is one of the only people I know in real life who truly understands the IF journey that I've been on. It's nice not having to keep things to myself or be secretive or worry about whether I can broach the subject with her - it's freeing.

Let the Adventure Begin

At this point it's pretty clear that I wasn't ovulating for the past cycle. On Friday, what was CD 57 of the cycle, I had a bit of bleeding - more spotting really, but the OB/GYN was specific that any spotting was to be considered the first day of the cycle. Saturday there was light brown discharge and today the same thing. Not really a period, but whatever, I'll take it as the sign of a new cycle. I had a moment of terror as I thought - shit, I took Clomid today and what if the spotting on Friday was implanation bleeding from a (very) late ovulation. But I looked back at my charts and the chances are pretty much impossible that that's the case. I figure that I'm taking the whole situation as my period and moving on...

Today is the first pill of Clomid. I was trying to decide yesterday what time of day to take it. I read a ton of articles, none of which helped. Lots of people saying that they had side effects so they took it at night, but some saying that they found the side effects not so bad so took it in them morning. The one thing that every article and blog was consistent on was that it should be taken at the same time every day.

I'm horrible for remembering to take stuff at night. By the time I get home from work I'm basically a disaster and exhausted, so sometimes it's so bad that I get all cozy in bed and then remember that I didn't take out my contacts. :S So I figured that morning would be better for me. I have no idea what the side effects will bring of this medication - maybe I'll luck and get nothing, or maybe I'll be a mess - but I figure I don't know so I'm not going to plan for them.

So, this morning, I woke up at six, took my temp, and then took the pill. Then fell back to sleep until my husband's noises outside woke me at about 9:30. I might go take a nap later - I'm still tired.

So far I've only got a slight headache, but I had one yesterday and for five days before that and I hadn't taken any meds at that point... so I'm not attributing it to the Clomid. Tomorrow I will call to set up my follicle tracking ultrasound for CD11, since CD10 will be on a Sunday. I'm really hoping that my ovaries cooperate quickly with the drugs and that I need the trigger prior to the weekend of the 28/29th. The 28th would be CD15. Those two days I'm in the city with my volleyball team for a tournament and we're staying overnight, so it would be very difficult to do what needs to be done to get a baby made. I figure that some early morning planning could at least make the 28th a possibility, but I am kinda hoping that it's all finished by then and I don't have to schedule things quite so carefully. But I guess we'll see. When I have the US on the 24th it will hopefully give me some idea. I'm hoping that my ovaries respond quickly because they have been so lazy up to this point that a kick might get them going quickly...and honestly, I'm hoping they respond with a couple of good eggs.

Twins would just make things so much easier. Yeah, right, who says those words eh? Well, when dealing this the IF shit for this long, I would rather not have to deal with it for a second pregnancy. If we had twins, we could be happy with what we have and if we wanted to try again, it wouldn't seem like there was quite so much pressure. Besides, I've always wanted twins. Even if my ovaries don't cooperate with two eggs, we have a real chance of twins anyway - my husband's family has identicals running through it, so fingers crossed...

Anyone else have any weird side effects from the Clomid that I might be looking forward to? When did you notice them starting? I'm really worried about mood swings as I tend to have them anyway and I work with teens so it's a bit dangerous if they and I are both having mood swings. I'm a bit concerned that the 50 mg dose isn't going to do much for me, but I guess we have to start somewhere.

Knock, knock... who's there???

There was a knock on the door, guess who was there? That's right! Good ole' Aunt Flo. I normally hate that bitch, but I was happy to see her finally.

Today was CD 57, so I was wondering if she had died or something. But nope, just found out that she just arrived. FINALLY!!!

I had acupuncture last night. It was the last night with my acupuncturist who I LOVE for the next three months. She's on maternity leave until February 1. Yes, it's a special kind of strange to have your acupuncturist, who is treating you for fertility issues, getting bigger and bigger. She is so amazing though and never brought up the pregnancy unless I asked and never really made a big deal out of it. Even though she got married just a year ago and seems to have it all together, I never felt jealous of her and her pregnancy. I think it is because she's just so great that it's hard to feel that way - and she's trying to help me get pregnant which makes me feel better.

I did have a moment of self pity when I was waiting for my appointment. I was sitting in the treatment room with the door open, waiting, and the receptionist was talking with the other dr in the clinic (who happens to be the husband of my acupuncturist). They were talking about the birth plan, etc, and how excited he was. Then out of the next room comes the acupuncturist talking with another patient about the pregnancy. *sigh* A moment of self pity came over me, I was sad. But I managed to suck it up and move on. *sigh*

But we had a good session and she tried to fix this headache that I'm dealing with. The headache that can be likened to a knife being stabbed into my forehead - just in one specific spot. I had this problem when I was a teenager and had numerous CT scans and MRIs for it. Nobody could find anything. I wonder now if it has something to do with hormones...who knows.

So now that AF has shown up, I have to start the drugs on CD3, and book my follicle tracking ultrasound on Monday... that should be for CD10, but since that's a Sunday it will be on CD11 which will be fine. Hopefully it works to help me ovulate this next cycle. I would, of course, love it if the ovulation resulted in a pregnancy, but even just ovulating would be awesome at this point!

Fingers crossed!