CLICK HERE FOR FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATES, LINK BUTTONS AND MORE! »

Saturday 8 October 2011

PTSD?? Perhaps

I woke up last night in a cold sweat, and was hyperventilating. Why? Well I had had a horrible nightmare.

I dreamed that I went to work and got a note saying that I was no longer employed at my current school and that I was being transfered back to my old school. I went to the old school and two seconds after walking into the building I was called to the office where the principal proceeded to scream at me because I walked into the school wrong. I was so real and so clear!

You have to understand that by the middle of the year the year that I worked there, I would get called to the office about 3 times a day to be yelled at. It was ridiculous and quickly I got the union involved. I was just so horrible. I nearly threw myself in front of a bus just to get away from it (and I don't mean that in an exaggerated way - I was standing on the sidewalk and waiting for the bus to come down the street so that I could step in front of it).

After I got the transfer to my new school things changed. I love it there. It is the most amazing place to work! I love my boss and I love my students. The staff is amazing! As you saw in my last post, I sometimes have REALLY long weeks there, but I have never hated my job or myself while I'm there. I truly lucked out to get such an amazing job!

So where did that dream come from? Part of it might be that yesterday as the principal left my class he made a comment about how Buggs and Dafffy were his favourite cartoons when he was a kid (that comment fit into our discussion). I made a comment about how I didn't know that there were televisions when he was a kid. He laughed and asked where I worked. I told him "um, not here for long" lol. We both knew it was a joke and he razzed me about it later. But I think that my subconscious might have taken it seriously.

But then again... The other day at work, all of a sudden, I had a flashback to that horrible place and was sitting at my desk hyperventilating! I was instantly in tears and couldn't stop. I had to make myself walk down to the office just to reassure myself that it was a different place. It was horrible.

I wonder if it isn't post traumatic stress disorder? I know that I wasn't at war or that sort of thing, but it was an extremely abusive situation and it was horrific to me. Lately the thoughts and dreams are more vivid and I wonder if it's not that I"m finally feeling secure where I am so now the doubts are starting to rise. :( I have been contemplating calling one of the union counsellors to set up an appointment to see if I can't get to the bottom of it and try to heal from all of it... we'll see.

2 comments:

Anonymous

Sweetie, you probably do need to see someone and get a chance to truly heal. I can't speak about PTSD, but even a deeply ingrained anxiety can play havoc with you. Root it out in therapy and put it away.

Unknown

台灣UT視訊聊天下載免費交友網站有哪些色狗午夜聊天室手機電影網站你懂的韓國視訊女郎
夫妻性生活視頻曝光免費交友網站一夜sm語音聊天室在線日本色情電影韓國視訊網怎麼找
同城—夜情交友一夜情免費交友美女裸聊qq台灣麗人視頻聊天室在線色情網導航g4vmp4 視訊
免費同城約炮網隨聊視頻聊天室免費裸聊qq號碼成人手機電影下載網站倫理成人電影85男人幫
六間房大秀視頻視頻聊好聊天室女視頻聊東京熱色情成人網亞洲人體色圖85男人幫論壇首頁
台灣免費聊天室美女視頻六間房視頻群聊免費裸聊qq號碼 美女偷拍自拍咪咪網85男人幫論壇
台灣聊天室網站六間房視頻人人開放激情聊天室色聊視頻聊天網色情電影下載網站隨機視訊
六間房聊天室開放一點視頻聊天室三色網美女裸聊東京熱成人色情電影網azar隨機視訊
做愛裸聊室六間房視頻直播MFC的美女主播台灣甜心女孩聊天室東京熱色情網亂倫隨機視訊app
六間房美女視頻直播MFC的視頻網站台灣甜心女孩視訊聊天室日本SM電影集錦隨機視訊聊天

Post a Comment