Facing the Hurdles

I was never very good at hurdles.  Oh, who am I kidding, I was never very good at running either.  The hurdles always got me.  Every year they would pull them out and I’d take a look at them and think – who in their right mind would try to jump those AND run!  Every year I would try it.  I would run full force up to the hurdle and if things went well, I would just knock it over.  If they went poorly, I would fall over, get tripped up, or, as on one special day, fall on my face and get a nosebleed.

Today I faced a metaphorical hurdle.  This hurdle didn’t give me the option of stopping suddenly, or even stumbling over it.  This hurdle gave me two options – either run full force and clear it easily, or fall flat on my face and break several bones in the process.

For once in my life, I ran up to that hurdle, jumped, and cleared it.

Today was my ultrasound.  After having the D & C in January, and being on Medroxy for two months – my oncologist thinks that my description of my cycle is showing that things have been corrected.  So he ordered an ultrasound to determine the thickness of my endometrial layer.  He said that he thought that if the thickness was normal that the biopsy would also be normal.  So his nurse scheduled me for an ultrasound today.

I got up this morning and tried really hard not to focus on what today could bring.  On one hand it could be the first step to expanding our family, on the other it could be another major setback.

I drove into the city with the radio blasting, singing along.  I had a wonderful lunch with a great friend, then drank my 1 litre of water and went to the ultrasound.

Now, if you’ve ever had an ultrasound, you have a VERY full bladder and then you wait.  Some woman showed up half an hour late for her appointment and they took her first, so I sat for an extra half hour waiting – nearly peeing myself.

I got called in and the tech started.  I tentatively asked her if she could tell me the results or if I had to wait.  She said that she could tell me.  About a minute later she said “well, you’re at 8mm thick”.  I let out a huge sigh, and if I wasn’t pinned to the table by the ultrasound machine, I would have probably jumped for joy.

Last July, my ultrasound read 20 mm, in December it read 24 mm…. now 8!  8 is what you want!  8 is normal.  8 means that the overgrowth (or hyperplasia) has stopped.  It also means that the pre-cancerous cells have probably also stopped growing.

I walked out with a huge smile on my face, and then sat in my car and cried for 10 minutes.  Partially out of relief, partially out of frustration.  Yes, I had passed that hurdle, but I was so frustrated that I had to even approach it, and frustrated by the huge number of hurdles still sitting on the track.

But then I calmed down and realised….  Despite the hurdles left on the track – I have one that is very clearly behind me.

And I cleared it.